Birdcage Religion

"Who I've sworn to be

a promise in pencil

that years have made so hard to read.

I've spent my life building walls

brick by brick and bruise by bruise...

a birdcage religion that whispered me to sleep.

but time is spinning silk

that coils ruthlessly;

with the devil's patience,

it binds my hands so quietly

that soon it becomes a part of me

so soften these edges and straighten out my tie.

and help me remember

the hope that I have compromised

Please be a broken record for me"

Sleeping at Last Song "Birdcage Religion"

These guys are really good, you should check them out if you haven't yet! Anywho, I got their CD on Friday at a concert I went to, and the song above really hit me...it pretty much explains exactly what I have been feeling for the passed few days.

Let's take this line by line...lines 1-3:

"Who I've sworn to be, a promise in pencil, that years have made so hard to read."

The promise I have made to God...a promise to make Christ the center of my life, to actively follow His teachings and truth...a promise to give of myself freely as Christ gave His life for me, with a humbleness only counteracted by the fulfillment of Christ in my life...not of works, but of GRACE... Is this promise temporarily written in pencil? Has it been distorted throughout my life as I constantly work to fulfill my selfish desires? Unfortunately...YES...

Lines 4-6:

"I've spent my life building walls, brick by brick and bruise by bruise...a birdcage religion that whispered me to sleep."

Somewhere along the line, I think most of my life in fact, I have built walls. These are walls that separate me from the outside world, walls that I have put it place to be my safety net. It is, in a way, my own personal defense I have made for myself so that I no longer experience hurt in times of trouble. It's my birdcage, keeping me safe from harm but at the cost of an immense feeling of isolation and loneliness. Also, when I think of a birdcage, I think of the ultimate purpose of it. Not only does it keep a bird in a safe environment, but it also serves to put the bird on display. Thus, it follows that "birdcage religion" would be (a) building up walls, keeping others from coming in (b) saying or doing what you think is right because that's what you feel you are supposed to do, because you are on display and under the scrutiny of others. Like the song says, it is very easy to fall asleep, to simply rest in the works of it all as well as the isolation as a result of the walls. We can be asleep for so long and not even realize it. I've been asleep. Now that I've woken up, I am struck by an enormous sense of guilt and disgust at my ugly heart. It's like I've woken up, but I haven't been able to get out of bed. Do you know that feeling? You just want to snooze for a little while longer.

I've been feeling disconnected from God the last few days. I know the answer of how to fix it, seek after Him, jus give it to God. "Let go and let God"... but saying it and knowing it is a lot harder then stepping out of bed and doing it.

Now for the rest of the song, lines 7-15:

I don't want to be bound anymore by the devil wasting my time. I don't want to live my life asleep, I want to be alive and moving and doing...I pray the God will indeed restore the hope that I have compromised within myself, within these walls. Somehow, some way I want this to happen, even if it's like a broken record.... I saw this little boy on the lightrail this morning. He was trying to get his mom's attention, so he said her name over and over and over. The mom was busy listening to her ipod and texting on her phone, but she never actually gave her son the attention he deserved. I don't want to be that mother. I don't want to be so distracted that I won't listen to the constant call of Christ in my life. He is like the little boy, continuously calling my name, waiting for me to listen and respond...maybe that's what it will take to get me out of bed, the broken record of God's call...I pray that I will be able to listen.

Allergies...

There is this song on the Elizabethtown soundtrack that has this lyric that always makes me stop and think... the song is "Words" by Ryan Adams and the lyric is this: "If everybody is grateful, how come nobody is satisfied?"

I think this is so true. We all can say we are grateful, we all may actually be grateful, but can we say that we are truly satisfied?

Consider this: I heard somewhere something I know to be true reguarding allergies. Truth: people in third world countries do not have allergies. Now, I am no scientist but from what I heard (an unreliable source since I do not remember where I heard it from), I think it is because people in third world countries are already fighting off disease. Their bodies are so consumed with fighting life-threatening diseases that they have no room for allergies. So, we in the thriving community that we live in have the resources to fight against those major diseases, yet our bodies still search for something else to fight off...allergies. So, our bodies are not satisfied with just being healthy, its like we unknowingly have a natural discomfort and discontentedness with reguards to health.

I feel like growing up in a Consumeristic (yup I just made up that word) society, I have found myself seeking gratification in certain things here on Earth. I will call these my "allergies"; these are things I seek after despite the blessings I already have. What are your allergies? They aren't just material things either, it could be something we are looking forward to. Like, if are dissatisfied with the situation we are currently in, just looking for the day when X, Y, or Z happens, then X, Y, and Z are our allergies. These allergies are what plague our society and create the dissatisfaction, thus resulting in our search for more....

What if we were satisfied through the Lord? Psalm 107:9 says "For He has satisfied the thirsty soul, and the hungry soul he has filled with what is good." I would love to say that I am satisfied 100% of the time through Christ, but I am not. So many times I find myelf looking in a different direction. Sure, it's easy to be satisfied in the good time, but what about the hard times? I think that is when we are most suseptible to allergies in life.

To sort of finalize my thoughts, I think it all comes down to humility. If we humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord, He will fill us up again and satisfy our needs. Only then will our hearts be completely satisfied. Now talking about it is one thing, doing it is another. My allergies are bad this season, what will I do to fix it?

Peace :)

Ninja-Jedi-Warrior-Dog

This is how the day started...not so well...

This is how I feel now! Nothing like pretending to be a puppy dog/slash ninja-Jedi-Warrior on the trampoline with some cool little kiddos to brighten your day! That and a good convo with the BIG GUY :)



"Heal my heart and make it clean,
Open up my eyes to the things unseen,
SHOW ME HOW TO LOVE LIKE YOU HAVE LOVED ME..."


Shout out to Trinity Nance for the amazing mix you made me and to Ben Peters for the Phil Wickham Sing-a-long CD!! They made my day as well while they accompanied me amongst my many travels :)

Broken Window Fallacy

This pic was taken on the webcam on my new laptop! It's kinda funky cuz the sun was hitting the camera weirdly, but this is the setting of my blogging. The fountain outside the business school at ASU, I sit here writing to the music of the water rushing through the fountain...so peaceful :)

Did you guys ever learn about the Broken window fallacy in econ? Basically, someone suggested that some one breaking a window (someone else's window) would stimulate the economy because of the measures that it would take to fix the window (the glass guy, etc.) However, this is a fallacy because it is not true, the cost of fixing the window and the un-voluntary-ness of the exchange makes it actually a detrimimant to the economy. If you want to know a more clear, and accurate explanation, look it up on google.

Though this is a fallacy, and stealing and vandalism is WRONG, I think the original person who thought of this as somewhat of the right idea. I think it is important to always look for the good in every situation, even if it is an unfortunate one which seems to have no positivities to it. You see, this passed weekend, I was a victim of the Broken Window, someone thought to benefit from breaking my car window and stealing my laptop. Now, I don't understand why...wait scratch that I think it might have something to do with the fact that I left it out in the open on my passenger seat and they probably thought they would somehow benefit from the situation. Survival of the fittest I guesss, every man for himself. Now my reaction was full of tears, not for the laptop and window for they can be replaced, but I was crying out of the violated feeling I felt, a feeling that I wasn't safe. I also think that it brought a sense of disappointment in my heart; I was disappointed in humanity. I guess I had developed a certain optimism for this world; that it is filled with good and genuine people. The fact is though, that we are all broken and full of sin. I feel so blessed to have been set free through my faith in Jesus Christ, but so many in this world are slaves to sin. I just pray that they will someday find the fullfillment in life that only Christ can bring. So, this is one positive thing that I can take from this situation, at least my eyes and heart are now open to the broken people in this world, I just pray that I can let them in, with open arms and be a light unto this world, that they may come and know the true Savior.

Another thing I learned from this situation, is to be aware of my possessions and surroundings. So often, especially when I am stressed out, I tend to focus only on what I need to do. I become like a walking zombie, completely unaware of the people and places around me and entirely immersed in my thoughts. Hence, the reason I left my laptop without even thinking completely exposed in my car. Now, in one of my classes we talked about this concept of perceptual narrowing. This concept is based on the idea that when your body is in a physically aroused state (i.e. stress or anxiety), you have a greater ability to focus, hence your perceptions narrow on to this specific object/task. Now, this concept is only supposed to pertain to motor control, but I think it relates to life in general as well. Before, I mentioned my focus on only the task at hand when I am stressed, and my inability to see the broad picture. Well, what if I was able to focus that energy toward God. You know, be aroused for God...I believe this would be what truly being on fire for God would look like. To be excited and physically aroused for Him, our perceptions and thoughts would turn toward Him and allow us to narrow our focus on God. Insodoing, not only will it give us peace within ouselves, but it would translate to the world around us. Because walking with Christ not only involves loving and focusing on God, but the second greatest commandment is loving and focusing on others.

So, in short, being on fire for God will inturn enhance our focus on God which will in turn open our eyes and hearts for the people of this world.

Now, I hope this makes sense to anyone who reads it, probably doesn't but oh well. Here are some photos of things that I have noticed by simply opening my eyes :)

Random spheres statue by lightrail, don't know what it means but it looks pretty cool :)

I took a different route to school today, and I found this sculpture randomly...it adds flair to life :)

Flowers on the lightrail...added beauty that may usually go unnoticed...

Peace be to all... and to all a good night!

God has brought an overwhelming sense peace on something thats been creating a great deal of turmoil within my heart and I am so grateful :)

Now time for some random fun:

"I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart where? Down in my heart to stay!"

"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!"

"Jesus loves me this I know.."

"Oh happy day, when Jesus washed, he washed my sins away!"

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paaaaaaaths straight!"

Haha peace! Have a good day :)

La-di-da

Here's a fun pic I edited on picnik...yay for picnik!

So I think I have writers block...I over the past few weeks I started writing 3 posts, but none of them seemed all that great to me. Or they didn't the the point across that I wanted...so ya it seems like a while since I wrote and I wanted to write something, sorry it's not interesting. Can I just say that I want to fall in love? Just putting that out there. Reading books and watching movies has convinced me that I want that. Even though that is just pop culture and the media, I have fallen victim to it lol....patience, I know that's what I need, but it doesn't mean I don't have the desire in my heart. God knows the desires of my heart... Psalm37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Hope you all are doing well! Peace :)