Melody

Carrie's view :)

Its almost 3 am and I can't sleep! Probably cuz I slept in til noon-thirty today. I got home from Fiji and I have strep. Anyway, I can't sleep and all that is on my mind are the beautiful people in Fiji. The women at HOH are all so beautiful. I'm thinking of their beautiful singing voices. They don't need musical accompaniments, no loud drums, no screaming electric guitars. No, their harmonic voices alone and clapping hands will suffice. Such joy their music brings! Whether in English or Fijian, that joyful message is clear. I keep seeing in my mind's eye the moms singing and clapping their hands as the children dance freely around the group. Such an innocence surrounds the children as their limbs move through the air and their feet pitter patter around the ground. What a true testament to the beauty and joy that music brings in our lives and to our natural tendency to dance at the sound of a melody. This all may make no sense to you, and I don't feel like explaining my entire trip just yet (you can bet more Fiji posts are coming). But just now know this, I left part of myself in Fiji, but in return I gained something that I was missing in my life. I was meant to go there. My life was meant to cross those who I met there. They are a part of my story as I am now a part of theirs. I miss them all terribly, and I miss Fiji's beautiful jungle and humidity. I long to be there now. Maybe someday I can return :)

Membership

So I just got home from the Easter service at Mission Community Church, and I am just so full of joy! I half-way rode my bike to church today and the weather was just perfect. But that is beside the point. I have held this bitterness toward church ever since a bad experience when I was young. I've been going to Mission for about 6 years now and I can honestly say that I've never truly felt a part of it, until today.

You see, at church I've always been a part of the student ministry, first in High School and now at Ember (college). In some twisted way, I think I saw my ministry as my church, not realizing that it was a part of some bigger entity, much bigger. So, I would go on Sundays and not feel a part of the big church as a whole.

Funny thing that happened this morning, I was worship in and asking God to pour into Mission and lead us as a whole church according to his will. And it hit me, that was the first time (that I can recall) that I referred to Mission Community Church as "us"...implying that I was included. Before, it was always "them" or just with a sense that I wasn't included. But, I am included and I'm so in love with our mission as a church to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God. See, even that statement brought bitterness to my heart at one point.

But today, Christ frees me from that bitterness. I will no longer let Satan harden my heart toward the church, the bride of Christ whom he loves. Rather, I will embrace the church body that Christ has blessed me with, and I will seek to dive deeper into the people at Mission. My first step? I signed up for the Core class. And after that, I plan to become an official member. I never understood the point of church membership until now. It's a commitment to serve and actively engage in a church. And that's what God is calling me to.

Now, where will this lead? Who knows! It could be serving in Junior High or High school ministry. It could be kids, it could be welcoming on Sundays. God will lead me there. Man, I'm just so excited!

I'm hideous, but YOU are Beautiful :)

We sang Phil Wickham's "You're Beautiful" today in church. Hands down one of my favorite worship songs. It brings me back to last Easter when we sang it during baptism. The song + Easter + plus baptism = a most beautiful and peaceful moment in time. What struck me today while singing the lyrics, though, was not each verse with such eloquent descriptions of God and the Gospel (Which is usually my favorite part of the song). Rather, what struck me most was the simple two words: "You're Beautiful."

Now, it's not the same beauty as is fed to us by pop culture in OUR desire to be beautiful to someone. No...it is a simple declaration that GOD is the one who is beautiful, his good and perfect design for all eternity is the only beauty that exists. I am hideously ugly, humanity is hideously ugly without the redeeming GRACE of God.

God, YOU are BEAUTIFUL :)

Blessed

I'm feeling very content today. I absolutely love Spring with the sunshine accompanied by a cool breeze in the air :)

Today, I am focusing on the positives. I realize that who I am is not measured in what I do not have but what I have. I've been so outwardly motivated lately; looking at other people and wishing I had what they had. Like the security of a special someone to spend my life with or a home/apartment to call my own. Wishing for more...

But today I see:
-financial peace through living with my parents
-a job opportunity for summer, doing what I love
-a Savior who is working on my heart in ways I couldn't imagine
-a passion for learning despite parts of unmotivation
-and a Christ-centered community to fulfill my need for companionship

God has put certain desires on my heart for a reason, and I just need to be patient and trusting until they come about. And in the meantime? I'm going to live life here and now fully content with the blessings before me.

Feeling so very blessed :)

I'll Fly Away

Running doesn't make pain go away. Escaping into fantasies doesn't make reality go away. Flying to far off lands doesn't make bittnerness go away. Isolation doesn't make fear go away.

Some things I am learning...some way or another you have to face life. The question is...are you gonna face it alone, or with the King of Kings on your side? Healing is a process, and old habits die hard....but they can still die. And within the gaping holes that remain, restoration occurs, building something beautiful.

"I'll fly away oh glory
I'll fly away.
When I die, hallelujah by and by
I'll fly away.

:)

Foolishness and Wisdom

"20 Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21 For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22 Jews demand signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23 but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24 but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25 For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength." 1 Corinthians 1:20-25

What good is wisdom and knowledge if it's not from Christ. As I sit here procrastinating on studying for a biology test that I have no motivation to study for, I realize that God's wisdom far outweighs anything I could learn here on Earth. As a science major, I feel that God gives us scientific knowledge of understanding the world around us, but it is but a glimpse of his wisdom. Though it is important for me to be diligent in my studies in order to become a Physical Therapist, I have to constantly remind myself that school is merely a stepping stone to the life God has called me too. It shouldn't be the most important thing in my life though. Any earthly wisdom is nothing compared to the knowledge Christ. How reassuring this news is, knowing that I need not stress about this test tomorrow when it is so insignificant with respect to our omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent God.

Peace :)

A Hopeful Romantic :)

I have this week immersed myself in the far-off world of the 19th century English classic that is Jane Eyre. I am struck by the eloquence of the classic vocabulary and the romance of a simpler time. How I find similarities between the main character and I, and how I long to experience the love that attaches her and Mr. Rochester. It's a story of love and mystery, and I cannot seem to put it down. Somehow in my soul I cannot help but believe that this type of old-fashioned romance and courtship is still possible today. I wish to be captivated by a true gentleman through the admittance of flaws and the knowledge of true character. I wish also to captivate said gentleman with something more than looks can attain. Someday, though I know I'm not ready now, I wait patiently to experience such a love, one that is not forced by any outward circumstances. It will be true, genuine and as deep a connection as is possible in this world. Call me a romantic, but I will not settle for anything less :)