Avoidance

Avoidance... avoidance, avoidance, avoidance... this has become the theme of my life this semester. I choose to avoid school, life in general and IT MUST COME TO AN END!! You see, I would like to call myself a strong person, I would like to be able to look someone or something in the eye and say "I've got this, I will succeed, I...WILL...CONQUER!" Sadly this is rarely the case... oh sure I feel on top of the world when I have very little to do, not worries, no stresses. But the minute something comes up, this flood of anxiety consumes me and I quickly give in to avoidance... It just seems easier to put things off, but really it ends up biting me in the butt in the long run.



This week it hit me hard. In reality, I had more time than usually to get my act together, but somehow it felt like I wasn't getting anything done. Time seemed to slip right through my fingers. It was like I was not moving, like I was on a train, my feet planted firmly where I was with this feeling that I was standing still... But time was still going... time is the image you see out the window, the trees and objects the breezing by so fast. One second they're there, the next gone. I felt like I was standing still, not moving forward at all.



When I'm in these types of situations, I find myself avoiding God as well. You know just putting him off to the side, thinking you'll get to him later, just putting him in a heap amongst all your other tasks you have to do... See I know that when I do take the time to talk to Him, to read His word, I find so much peace, I just can't help but smile. I just wish I did more often, that amongst the anxiety, I remember Him and find peace and comfort. I just wish that I could face Him and face all the tests He puts in front of me for that is what will build my strength.