Monday, January 18, 2010
Calm before the storm
I sit here on the eve of a new semester bored, not knowing what to do. I should be at peace, having at this very moment no obligations. After all, I just spent the last five hours or so doing nothing but puzzles, watching Gossip Girl, and occasionally picking up my guitar and playing a chord or two, all in an attempt to enjoy a peaceful afternoon. And that it was. However peaceful this afternoon was, I now feel uneasy. I feel the anxiety of school already and my semester doesn't start for another 13 hours. Why is that? According to one of my classes last semester, stress is the state of being overwhelmed, but anxiety is the state of being overwhelmed with a sense of impending doom...If I'm already anxious it shows that I see school as a bad thing, as some sort of obstacle standing in my way that is sure to result in my failure. Psychologically this idea is seriously screwed up. First of all, I have never had a problem in school as far as grades and retaining the information goes; so why should I be afraid? Why should I see school as the Big Bad Wolf? Second of all, if I am so afraid of school, why am I in it anyway? Why can't school be more like Little Red Riding Hood, all sweet and innocent? She could be my best friend :) Why do I see school as a dreaded task? Why can't I see it as an opportunity to learn and grow? And now I ask myself why am I asking so many questions in this post? Anyway, the point is, I really want to get it right this semester...by "it" I mean life. I want to be excited about where I am at and what I am doing. I want to take advantage of the opportunities set before me and not see them as burdens. Wow I believe Jason talked about this a few weeks ago, seeing stuff as opportunities not burdens.... haha cool that thought just occured to me. Anyway, that is my goal this semester, to live life joyfully and with good intentions and just see where it goes... I believe that is called living by the Spirit. Look it up in Galatians ;)
Monday, January 11, 2010
Hate to Love
I confess...I have this guilty obsession with Chick Flicks! Every since I was little, I have fallen in love with the idea of lovee, at least with the kind of love presented to me in the movies. Even though all Romantic Comedies are basically the same stereotypical stories filled with the cheesy one liners and some crazy adventure that never happens in real life, even though I can basically predict how every story will pan out, I find myself captivated by this ideal love, this fairy-tale ending. I could write a whole post about how the media has twisted my view of romance and relationships, but I shall refrain for I have other matters I wish to discuss... (as I wrote that last part of the sentence, I imagined it in a British accent. So if you wish to do so, reread it now as if it were British haha). Anyways what I really want to talk about, is the love/hate relationship which seems to be ever so present in the recent romances I've seen. What I mean is the couple that ends up in love always seems to start of hating each other, and all of a sudden they realize how madly in love they are. So I always thought to myself, why? Why hate in order to love? Is that really how it works, I just need to extremely loathe some guy so much so that I will finally fall in love and live happily ever after? This doesn't make sense...at least it didn't until I thought deeper...
You can't have something unless you have some kind of opposite to compare it to. We talked about this in one of my classes last year, some philosopher thought of it. If you are confused, I will attempt to explain it in terms of love and hate (emphasis on the word "attempt"). You can't know love or define it unless you know what love isn't. To fully define something means you have to eliminate what it is not to eventually narrow it down to what it is. Hate is what love is not, so you must understand hate to fully appreciate love. The two cannot exist without each other. The idea of love would have a completely different meaning without some knowledge of hate. Imagine if you had never experienced hate in your life and you had only love, would you not then expect love and accept it as ordinary? Would you not then devalue love in a way? Without the horrors of hate, love would be meaningless in a way; we would not be able to appreciate it. I apologize for this whole philosophical idea that seems to be going in circles. I seem to be unable to articulate this concept...basically, everything has an opposite which truly defines what it is not so that we can fully know what it is...
Moving on... I don't think we can truly experience the love of God until we have experienced and recognized hate that comes through our sin. We must hate, to love. We must hate ourselves, we must hate the sin in our lives so much so that we kill it in order to live in Christ. This isn't purely my thoughts or ideas, it's backed up in the Bible. Romans 6:11-12 says "In the same ay, count yourselves as dead to sin but alive in ChristJesus. Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey it's evil desires." Also, in Romans 12:9 it says "...Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." Therefore, since we hate evil and sin is evil, we must hate the sin in ourselves that we may become dead to sin to fully experience life and love in Christ. Here is a little diagram:
hate-->evil-->sin-->dead-->alive in Christ-->love
We must have so much hate and experience it and know what it is to fully appreciate the love that Christ gives through His grace.
I experienced this recently, the whole hate to love thing. I won't go into details, but this blog is not just words to me anymore. It's not just getting my ideas out and not acting and pressing forward. From now on there will be action.
Anyways, sorry if this is a confusing, philosophical topic that is poorly explained. I hope I got the point across... Yay for chick flicks!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Clay
It's been a while, an uninspired while, either that or a time of extreme avoidance...perhaps both. Well, here goes...
I took a ceramics class in high school... we dealt with clay a lot... shocker huh? It was a fun class, totally not my calling in life though. Trying to form a block of this soft gray stuff into the object that I picture in my head merely by using my hands quickly proved to be impossible. My pots always seemed to be lopsided, my attempts at creating something that even remotely resembled the desired outcome failed entirely. Luckily, we were not graded on skill but rather the knowledge of the techniques used to get there. I remember one assignment, was to make a whistle. As such, if your whistle did not whistle...YOU FAIL. Of course with my amazing skills, I was the last person in the class to get mine to whistle, it took like two weeks of trying, The teacher even tried, but failed a number of times. I eventually got it to whistle, though I don't know how, and I managed not to fail the easiest course known to man... Yay me. I still have the whistle to, I made it into a turtle, though it hardly looks like one. I found it the other day while cleaning my room, it made me happy. (Yes, I saved it. I figured, if it took me so long to get it to work the least I could do is save it, if for no other reason then to boast about it.)
Now, this little story has little to do with my point in this post, but I thought it would be a nice seque into my thoughts... Currently, I have this pain in my chest, in my heart... (by currently I mean in this instant, not constantly). I believe it's there out of shame, guilt, perhaps even a little fear. I will explain this shortly, but first I want to share my thoughts on clay. Isaiah 64:8 states "We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Now, I'm sure many of you have heard this verse or some variation of it before, so I'm just gonna tell you what it means to me at the moment...
Society thrusts a mold upon us; it dictates to us how we should live our lives. It places constrictions, it places desires, it places an ideal lifestyle before us. When I think of a "mold of society," I think of the cookie-cutter houses we see in Gilbert and pretty much any and every suburban city; I think of the need to always have the next up-and-coming car model, the big screen TV, the granite countertops in your state-of-the-art kitchen with updated tile floors; I think of the desire to be accepted in your community as the perfect family with the seemingly happy marriage, with the 2.35 children, and the pet dog to round out the equation; I think of the housewife (or more working mother these days) with the manicured fingernails and the highlighted hair getting dressed up just to pick up her kids from school because of this need of acceptance amongst other moms...If we, human beings, are the clay, this is the mold I am talking about, the world's view of happiness all packed down into a "perfect" preconstructed scenario. Unfortunately, this is a people-made idea of life based solely on how we relate to others and how we are perceived by others, and since we are screwed up humans, this mold of society is bound to fail. What good is that nice, big suburban house if you aren't available to share it with your family because you work too much so you can pay it off? What good is the next best thing if you are only content with it for a brief period of time before something "better" comes along? Why try to look like the perfect family on the outside when you are tearing it apart on the inside? Why try to find acceptance in the world of soccer moms if you have to cover up who really are to try to fit in? This worldy form seems to be filled with deception and greed and false hope, and it's not the way we were meant to live our lives, it's not the reason God created us. We are clay, so easily moved and crafted yet so easily (and painfully) hardened by the furnace of this world.
Instead we should let ourselves be molded and crafted in God's hands, to be created into His beautiful masterpiece. Jeremiah 18:6 "'Oh house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?' declares the Lord. 'Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand...'" The majesty of the Lord is that He is constantly present in our lives, shaping us into the person He plans for us to be according to His will and purpose. If we seek after Him, He will not let us dry out as clay does if left unattended, He will provide us with the water we need to continue to move in His hands, He will make us whistle, He will not let us become lopsided pots on a spinning wheel. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10. He has a plan for our lives, we just need to let go of our desires to adhere to the impression of this world, let go of our desires to do this on our own and just give our lives away. We need to accept that we suck in ceramics class and just find the peace that God will bring in knowing that our lives are His and in His hands. So we need to embrace change because He is constantly changing us until that final day when we are with Him and His work on us is completely the masterpiece He creates.
Now, here is where my shame comes in... I want to apologize to anyone who will accept my apology. I have been insincere in my actions, in my pursuit of growing in my faith. I have been trying to fit this mold of what I thought was a good Christian, but it's been all about me, all about saying the 'right' thing and doing the 'right' thing. But if it's not rooted in the Word, not done with the right intentions in my heart, it's meaningless. I really wanted this semester to grow in my faith after being inspired by this verse that I can't seem to find the reference of, I want to say Colossians 1 something, but idk (shows how much it stuck right?) Anyway, I remember the words "continue to grow in knowledge and in truth." This was my goal this semester and I completely went about it the wrong way. Like the worldly mold, it has been people-based, in some instances self-based. Basically, I was looking to tangible things for growth, not Godly things. I don't think it was completely a waste, I have had some really amazing conversations with God and have been at some comfortable places with my faith, but it has been so unstable and weak. So my goal this semester is that same, but I want it to be genuine, Christ-centered and rooted in the Word. I want to once and for all let go of myself and my dependance on this world and truly let God work in my life and create and shape me into His masterpiece. I mean, I've said it a million times, but never really knew how to pursue it and act upon it. This is where the fear comes in...it's fear that is holding me back, the fear of letting go. So I pray that you can accept my apology and forgive me for my insincerity, I know God has. I also pray that you all can take this challenge with me, to break away from the stiffness of society's mold and fully be moveable in God's hands...Here goes!
I took a ceramics class in high school... we dealt with clay a lot... shocker huh? It was a fun class, totally not my calling in life though. Trying to form a block of this soft gray stuff into the object that I picture in my head merely by using my hands quickly proved to be impossible. My pots always seemed to be lopsided, my attempts at creating something that even remotely resembled the desired outcome failed entirely. Luckily, we were not graded on skill but rather the knowledge of the techniques used to get there. I remember one assignment, was to make a whistle. As such, if your whistle did not whistle...YOU FAIL. Of course with my amazing skills, I was the last person in the class to get mine to whistle, it took like two weeks of trying, The teacher even tried, but failed a number of times. I eventually got it to whistle, though I don't know how, and I managed not to fail the easiest course known to man... Yay me. I still have the whistle to, I made it into a turtle, though it hardly looks like one. I found it the other day while cleaning my room, it made me happy. (Yes, I saved it. I figured, if it took me so long to get it to work the least I could do is save it, if for no other reason then to boast about it.)
Now, this little story has little to do with my point in this post, but I thought it would be a nice seque into my thoughts... Currently, I have this pain in my chest, in my heart... (by currently I mean in this instant, not constantly). I believe it's there out of shame, guilt, perhaps even a little fear. I will explain this shortly, but first I want to share my thoughts on clay. Isaiah 64:8 states "We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Now, I'm sure many of you have heard this verse or some variation of it before, so I'm just gonna tell you what it means to me at the moment...
Society thrusts a mold upon us; it dictates to us how we should live our lives. It places constrictions, it places desires, it places an ideal lifestyle before us. When I think of a "mold of society," I think of the cookie-cutter houses we see in Gilbert and pretty much any and every suburban city; I think of the need to always have the next up-and-coming car model, the big screen TV, the granite countertops in your state-of-the-art kitchen with updated tile floors; I think of the desire to be accepted in your community as the perfect family with the seemingly happy marriage, with the 2.35 children, and the pet dog to round out the equation; I think of the housewife (or more working mother these days) with the manicured fingernails and the highlighted hair getting dressed up just to pick up her kids from school because of this need of acceptance amongst other moms...If we, human beings, are the clay, this is the mold I am talking about, the world's view of happiness all packed down into a "perfect" preconstructed scenario. Unfortunately, this is a people-made idea of life based solely on how we relate to others and how we are perceived by others, and since we are screwed up humans, this mold of society is bound to fail. What good is that nice, big suburban house if you aren't available to share it with your family because you work too much so you can pay it off? What good is the next best thing if you are only content with it for a brief period of time before something "better" comes along? Why try to look like the perfect family on the outside when you are tearing it apart on the inside? Why try to find acceptance in the world of soccer moms if you have to cover up who really are to try to fit in? This worldy form seems to be filled with deception and greed and false hope, and it's not the way we were meant to live our lives, it's not the reason God created us. We are clay, so easily moved and crafted yet so easily (and painfully) hardened by the furnace of this world.
Instead we should let ourselves be molded and crafted in God's hands, to be created into His beautiful masterpiece. Jeremiah 18:6 "'Oh house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?' declares the Lord. 'Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand...'" The majesty of the Lord is that He is constantly present in our lives, shaping us into the person He plans for us to be according to His will and purpose. If we seek after Him, He will not let us dry out as clay does if left unattended, He will provide us with the water we need to continue to move in His hands, He will make us whistle, He will not let us become lopsided pots on a spinning wheel. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10. He has a plan for our lives, we just need to let go of our desires to adhere to the impression of this world, let go of our desires to do this on our own and just give our lives away. We need to accept that we suck in ceramics class and just find the peace that God will bring in knowing that our lives are His and in His hands. So we need to embrace change because He is constantly changing us until that final day when we are with Him and His work on us is completely the masterpiece He creates.
Now, here is where my shame comes in... I want to apologize to anyone who will accept my apology. I have been insincere in my actions, in my pursuit of growing in my faith. I have been trying to fit this mold of what I thought was a good Christian, but it's been all about me, all about saying the 'right' thing and doing the 'right' thing. But if it's not rooted in the Word, not done with the right intentions in my heart, it's meaningless. I really wanted this semester to grow in my faith after being inspired by this verse that I can't seem to find the reference of, I want to say Colossians 1 something, but idk (shows how much it stuck right?) Anyway, I remember the words "continue to grow in knowledge and in truth." This was my goal this semester and I completely went about it the wrong way. Like the worldly mold, it has been people-based, in some instances self-based. Basically, I was looking to tangible things for growth, not Godly things. I don't think it was completely a waste, I have had some really amazing conversations with God and have been at some comfortable places with my faith, but it has been so unstable and weak. So my goal this semester is that same, but I want it to be genuine, Christ-centered and rooted in the Word. I want to once and for all let go of myself and my dependance on this world and truly let God work in my life and create and shape me into His masterpiece. I mean, I've said it a million times, but never really knew how to pursue it and act upon it. This is where the fear comes in...it's fear that is holding me back, the fear of letting go. So I pray that you can accept my apology and forgive me for my insincerity, I know God has. I also pray that you all can take this challenge with me, to break away from the stiffness of society's mold and fully be moveable in God's hands...Here goes!
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