Clay

It's been a while, an uninspired while, either that or a time of extreme avoidance...perhaps both. Well, here goes...

I took a ceramics class in high school... we dealt with clay a lot... shocker huh? It was a fun class, totally not my calling in life though. Trying to form a block of this soft gray stuff into the object that I picture in my head merely by using my hands quickly proved to be impossible. My pots always seemed to be lopsided, my attempts at creating something that even remotely resembled the desired outcome failed entirely. Luckily, we were not graded on skill but rather the knowledge of the techniques used to get there. I remember one assignment, was to make a whistle. As such, if your whistle did not whistle...YOU FAIL. Of course with my amazing skills, I was the last person in the class to get mine to whistle, it took like two weeks of trying, The teacher even tried, but failed a number of times. I eventually got it to whistle, though I don't know how, and I managed not to fail the easiest course known to man... Yay me. I still have the whistle to, I made it into a turtle, though it hardly looks like one. I found it the other day while cleaning my room, it made me happy. (Yes, I saved it. I figured, if it took me so long to get it to work the least I could do is save it, if for no other reason then to boast about it.)

Now, this little story has little to do with my point in this post, but I thought it would be a nice seque into my thoughts... Currently, I have this pain in my chest, in my heart... (by currently I mean in this instant, not constantly). I believe it's there out of shame, guilt, perhaps even a little fear. I will explain this shortly, but first I want to share my thoughts on clay. Isaiah 64:8 states "We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand." Now, I'm sure many of you have heard this verse or some variation of it before, so I'm just gonna tell you what it means to me at the moment...

Society thrusts a mold upon us; it dictates to us how we should live our lives. It places constrictions, it places desires, it places an ideal lifestyle before us. When I think of a "mold of society," I think of the cookie-cutter houses we see in Gilbert and pretty much any and every suburban city; I think of the need to always have the next up-and-coming car model, the big screen TV, the granite countertops in your state-of-the-art kitchen with updated tile floors; I think of the desire to be accepted in your community as the perfect family with the seemingly happy marriage, with the 2.35 children, and the pet dog to round out the equation; I think of the housewife (or more working mother these days) with the manicured fingernails and the highlighted hair getting dressed up just to pick up her kids from school because of this need of acceptance amongst other moms...If we, human beings, are the clay, this is the mold I am talking about, the world's view of happiness all packed down into a "perfect" preconstructed scenario. Unfortunately, this is a people-made idea of life based solely on how we relate to others and how we are perceived by others, and since we are screwed up humans, this mold of society is bound to fail. What good is that nice, big suburban house if you aren't available to share it with your family because you work too much so you can pay it off? What good is the next best thing if you are only content with it for a brief period of time before something "better" comes along? Why try to look like the perfect family on the outside when you are tearing it apart on the inside? Why try to find acceptance in the world of soccer moms if you have to cover up who really are to try to fit in? This worldy form seems to be filled with deception and greed and false hope, and it's not the way we were meant to live our lives, it's not the reason God created us. We are clay, so easily moved and crafted yet so easily (and painfully) hardened by the furnace of this world.

Instead we should let ourselves be molded and crafted in God's hands, to be created into His beautiful masterpiece. Jeremiah 18:6 "'Oh house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?' declares the Lord. 'Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand...'" The majesty of the Lord is that He is constantly present in our lives, shaping us into the person He plans for us to be according to His will and purpose. If we seek after Him, He will not let us dry out as clay does if left unattended, He will provide us with the water we need to continue to move in His hands, He will make us whistle, He will not let us become lopsided pots on a spinning wheel. "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10. He has a plan for our lives, we just need to let go of our desires to adhere to the impression of this world, let go of our desires to do this on our own and just give our lives away. We need to accept that we suck in ceramics class and just find the peace that God will bring in knowing that our lives are His and in His hands. So we need to embrace change because He is constantly changing us until that final day when we are with Him and His work on us is completely the masterpiece He creates.

Now, here is where my shame comes in... I want to apologize to anyone who will accept my apology. I have been insincere in my actions, in my pursuit of growing in my faith. I have been trying to fit this mold of what I thought was a good Christian, but it's been all about me, all about saying the 'right' thing and doing the 'right' thing. But if it's not rooted in the Word, not done with the right intentions in my heart, it's meaningless. I really wanted this semester to grow in my faith after being inspired by this verse that I can't seem to find the reference of, I want to say Colossians 1 something, but idk (shows how much it stuck right?) Anyway, I remember the words "continue to grow in knowledge and in truth." This was my goal this semester and I completely went about it the wrong way. Like the worldly mold, it has been people-based, in some instances self-based. Basically, I was looking to tangible things for growth, not Godly things. I don't think it was completely a waste, I have had some really amazing conversations with God and have been at some comfortable places with my faith, but it has been so unstable and weak. So my goal this semester is that same, but I want it to be genuine, Christ-centered and rooted in the Word. I want to once and for all let go of myself and my dependance on this world and truly let God work in my life and create and shape me into His masterpiece. I mean, I've said it a million times, but never really knew how to pursue it and act upon it. This is where the fear comes in...it's fear that is holding me back, the fear of letting go. So I pray that you can accept my apology and forgive me for my insincerity, I know God has. I also pray that you all can take this challenge with me, to break away from the stiffness of society's mold and fully be moveable in God's hands...Here goes!