FANNY PACKS!!

As I sit here in downtown in University Center eating my deliciously scrumptions cup of Campbell's Chunky Sirloin Burger with country vegetables fresh from my favorite (and only successful) means of cooking and actively avoiding much needed studying, I think (aside from realizing that this opening clause was slightly excessively long and descriptive) about none other than FANNY PACKS!! You might say to yourself "Fanny Packs? That's so random..." Why yes, fellow bloggers, fanny packs are very random, but if you do not know me or have yet to figure this out about me, I have very random thoughts. You could say that it is the curse of the inability to shut my mind off which, in many cases, turns in to the inability to speak and communicate clearly thus resulting many confused faces starring back at me and massive insecurities on my part...Case in point: this last sentence...

Anyways, now that I have fully rambled to the point that you all have most likely lost interest, I feel like I should now talk about fanny packs and how underappreciated they are in our society. My parents recently got back from a trip and as I was leaving their place on Sunday, I noticed my mom's fanny pack on the kitchen table (she had plopped it there upon her return, which is somewhat uncharacteristic as she tends to keep everything in its proper place, a skill I have yet to inherit from her). Upon seeing this, my first instinct was to smile to myself at the fact that, yes, my mother owns a fanny pack...not only owns one, but she wears one in public...

Then I thought, why do we have this view of fanny packs? It's the view that they are an object of some joke, like if you want make someone smile or laugh, talk about fanny packs...why is that? I mean, I think the name itself is pretty funny...anything with the word "fanny" is funny in my opinion.

Here's a brief history of THE FANNY PACK... it came to popularity in the late 80s to mid-90s and according to Wikipedia is considered "a sure mark for an out-of-place tourist, invoking the traditional tourist stereotypes known around the world." Now I realize in school Wikipedia is not a reliable source, but for the purposes of this blog, I think it will suffice.

Now that I have rambled to the point where I would be shocked if anyone is still reading (Kudos to you if you are), here is the main point I want to get at...BEING A CHRISTIAN IS LIKE WEARING A FANNY PACK...there if nothing else, thats what I want to say in this blog post. As Christians, we are often ridiculed for our beliefs... 2 Timothy 3:12 says "everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted." It's just a fact of life. We are in this world, but not of this world…God calls us to live differently, that is why the world cannot accept us. It’s in scripture…John 15:18-19 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to this world, if would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of this world. That is why the world hates you.” It’s like the fanny pack, the world hates/ridicules the fanny packer (I should trademark that term) because it stands out, it’s the mark of the foreign tourist, someone who doesn’t belong. We as Christians are the foreign tourists, we are tourists to this world, we don’t belong here. We belong with our King and we are here on this earth just for a little while, we are just visiting until our Lord finishes preparing a place for us to spend eternity with Him.

So, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I am afraid of my fanny pack…no not ashamed, but I am not openly exposing it for the world to see. It’s like it’s stored away in my closet, just waiting to be found. Why is that? Why do I let my faith sit hidden in my closet? Why can’t I wear it on my fanny and be proud of it? I mean, think about fanny packs, they really are practical. They allow for a hands-free, shoulder-free, pain-free way to hold the necessities. You don’t need to take it off to sit, or stand, or walk…you can carry it everywhere, all the time with little hassle. Isn’t our relationship with God just as practical? He provides us with security and love, he carries the weight of our sins so we don’t have to and he is with us always. So why do I let the fear of worldly ridicule and judgment keep me from openly wearing my faithful fanny pack with pride? I want to wear it, I don’t want to hide it. I want to walk in to that foreign land, out of my comfort zone, armed with the Holy Spirit fanny pack, ready to stand firm in my faith against all the contesting remarks of my peers….this strength and courage can only come from the Lord. My hope and prayer is that I can accept and embrace this strength and use it as a tool to live my life solely and completely for my God…I pray that you will to and that together we can shake the nation and the world. Do you have your fanny pack ready?...I’ll go find mine….

On my mind...

Things that are on my mind...

1. thank you so much to the cute guy wearing a beanie who gave up his seat on the light rail so I could work on my computer!

2. What is the point of a sweater that has sleeves that don't go all the way down your arm? After all, the whole point of a sweater is to keep you warm right? so how is a 3/4 sleeve supposed to keep you warm, especially on a rainy day?

3. Thank you Mr. Anatomy teacher guy for showing this video before class... totally made my day! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fzzjgBAaWZw

4. Just realized it's free pastry day at starbucks...we shall see if I can get one!

5. We are speaking about peace at Ember tonight...exactly what I need to find somehow with my 4 tests next week...

6. Exhaustion has taken over me...pray that I make it throught the day/ week

7. This exhaustion has led to extreme lack of motivation in all aspects of my life...especially my God time, let's just say I don't remember the last time I opened my Bible outside of church time...pray for that too...

8. tubinate choncha is a cool word

9. I should probably be paying attention in class, I need to get life together...

10. the stalking cat is still making me laugh inside hahaha

Have a good and blessed day!

Do you dare?

This past Sunday, I was feeling really stuck…one of the things that led to the discomfort I talked about in my last post. See, I feel like I sort of live in a bubble, with this sort of closed off view of the world. I’m only 19 and there is so much in this world that I haven’t experienced, so there was a part of me that just wanted to take matters in to my own hands. So, you can imagine the excitement I felt when my fortune cookie from Panda Express said “Be daring. Try something different.” I took this as a sign that maybe I should branch out, maybe I should take matters into my own hands and just take chances. Haha, I thought of the saying in the Magic School Bus “Take chances, make mistakes, get messy!” So, I was restless for achieving my own desires (which might I add were completely of this world, and for my own personal gain). Ironically, we talked about patience at Ember this week, just what my restless heart needed to hear. So this changed my interpretation of my fortune, and here’s how…

Christianity is based on a huge massive dare. I’m not talking about just accepting Christ as your Savior. Yes that is a huge leap of faith giving yourself to God, but I’m talking about what happens after…I’m talking about the sanctification, the living out of God’s call on your life to live like Jesus. Jesus’s Sermon on the Mount demonstrates this. Basically, what Jesus says in Matthew 5 is one big DARE.

About murder he says 21 "You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'You shall not murder, [a] and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.' 22 But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister [b] will be subject to judgment.” About adultery he says, 27 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall not commit adultery.' [d] 28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” He holds us to a higher standard when he says 33 "Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.' 34 But I tell you, do not swear an oath at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King.” And when he says, 38 "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' [g] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.” And finally, 43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor [h] and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven.

Basically, Jesus recognizes what has been taught, and He dares us to go one step further to live that much more like Christ. He has set up a challenge, and it is our decision to take that and live a new way. There should be a warnings sign with this though…with a big YOU WILL FAIL written on it. Because we are human, we are sinners and we will fail, but who says we can’t try? Who says we can’t be daring? Why not try to be more like Christ? After all, as His followers, that’s the way we are called to live right?

So I want to dare to live like this. I want to dare to be patient, I want to dare to love my enemies, I want to step up to the challenge and (dare I say it) dare to be different. I dare you to try too. Do you dare?

Paralysis to Discomfort

Lately, I have been doing this thing...I've been making my facial expressions match my thoughts. For instance, if I am perturbed, I scrunch up my face (see picture above) or if I think of something funny I smile or laugh to myself...I don't even realize I am doing it until after I have done it. It's weird and I probably look like a crazy person when I do it, but oh well...maybe that's a certain behavior I will work on eliminating...

Anyways, the last few days (namely yesterday) have been full of the scrunchy face, spured from the discomfort within my heart. The paralysis that encompassed my week last week has turned to this discomfort; this restlessness is more like that tingling feeling you get when your foot is asleep...you can feel it but it is extremely uncomfortable and annoying. Allow me to elaborate on the sources of my discomfort...



First... my reliance on Christian music and literature. This makes me feel guilty. I feel extremely close to God through music (Phil Wickham is my guilty pleasure). I also get a lot out of Christian books (most recently The Screwtape Letters)...My problem is getting more out of both of these things than out of the Bible. I have been reading the Bible more often than I have in the past, but still I find myself relying on other things. The Bible is the Sword of Truth...its the device God gives us to defend Him and share Him with the world. The Word is the most important, tangible object we as Christians have and I find myself relying on other things...how pathetic is that? I think I have developed a poor attitude for the Bible over time. I partly blame growing up in AWANA...not that it is a bad program, but I participated in the wrong way. If you don't know what AWANA is, you go through activity books memorizing verses along the way. That was my sole objective, not to learn but to memorize. I memorized simply for the reason to get through the book, it was a competition for me to see how many verses I could memorize and I never took the time to understand what I was memorizing... Also, growing up in the church, I feel like I have heard the stories before, and I harden my heart. I call this the "Church Kid Syndrome"... I think what I need is a Bible Study...not one that goes through a Christian book, but a study that goes through the Bible. So that we read the Bible and discuss, anyone interested? Thats the only way I can think of to rid myself of this aspect of my discomfort...



Second...is time. What am I doing with my time? I feel like it's nothing, I feel like I am coasting and not actively living. james 4:14 "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." This is so true...I don't know what will happen tomorrow, so why should I worry? Why should I live in fear of the future? I think one of the biggest ways Satan works is through wasting our time and moving our focus from the present and into the future or the past. When our thoughts are in the future, there are a few things that can happen. 1) we get caught up in false realities that we create for ourselves which I like to call "extreme day dreams" (clever rhyme huh?). This is when we picture the way we expect our lives to play out and get so caught up in this that we start believing it to be true (not in a crazy psycho way but a hopeful way). It's problematic when these thought occupy our mind to the extent that we fail to live in the present, and when life fails to live up to our expectations, it can leave lasting and bitter effects. 2) we get caught up in the fear of the unknown. Here's the deal, we don't know our future, we have NO way of knowing, so for control freaks like me, this unknown life ahead creates fear. You would think that I would find comfort in having the God of the universe on my side and in control of my life, yet for some reason...I live in fear. Now it is also common to get stuck in the past...this is where my mind goes a lot of the time. Thinking about the past builds up so much regret for me that it's not even funny. This regret tangles up my mind and soul so that I am wrapped in the past and not the present. News Flash: WE CAN'T CHANGE THE PAST! No matter how much we want to, we can't...so why consume our time trying to live in the past? It's pathetic...

So I feel like I lack living in the Present...going back to the verse in James...What is my life? What am I doing in my life right now...going to school, which I won't see the benefits of for a few years...working, but not as much as I would like, so I'm bitter and not willing to embrace the joy that my job once (does) give me...other than that I feel like I am stagnant, I have hit a wall. I want to change that, in some way I want to change my perspective into living in the present. I think of a great quote from an amazing movie (Kung Fu Panda) "The past is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift thats why they call it the present!" Let's use our gift, let's not let the mist fade, lets live and love TODAY...

I don't know how, but I want to try. I want to rid myself of the annoying sensation of the discomfort in my heart. Somehow, someway I want normalcy.

Raging Sea

Don't know where to begin
Its like my world's caving in
And I try but I can't control my fear
Where do I go from here?

sometimes its so hard to pray
When You feel so far away
But I am willing to go
Where you want me to
God, I trust You

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

I will swim in the deep'
Cuz You'll be next to me
You're in the eye of the storm
And the calm of the sea
You'll never out of reach

God, You know where I've been
You were there with me then
You were faithful before
You'll be faithful again
I'm holding Your hand

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You

God Your love is enough
You will pull me through
I'm holding onto You
God Your love is enough
I will follow You
I will follow You
Ohhh

There's a raging sea
Right in front of me
Wants to pull me in
Bring me to my knees
So let the waters rise
If You want them to
I will follow You
I will follow You
I will follow You
Ohhh

**Good song, on my mind

Spiritual Paralysis

My soul is numb... my heart is paralyzed... unable to feel, unable to move, unable to learn, unable to grow. I don't know if it's unable or just unwilling...it's like when your spinal cord is damaged, cutting off all sensation and also the ability to move. I don't know why I feel this way; I don't know how to move forward. I know where I should turn my eyes, but I don't know how or even if I am willing. I could be comfortable here, after all, I can't feel the pain right? But is the absence of pain worth the sacrifice of joy as well? Is this complacency a comfort or a burden; is it worth it?



It's amazing how quickly your feelings of contentment can change; it's amazing how much your mood can dictate your actions and your overall view of your day. It's amazing how often we let other things dictate our moods as well.



I have one proposed cause of my numbness problem. It's something I have somewhat known about myself for a majority of my life, and something I want to change but I don't know how. And I think this has caused my spiritual paralysis. Allow me to ellaborate...



**Disclaimer: I have no idea if this will make sense, but I will try to lay it our clearly...



*** Side note: i just noticed it was 11:11 and I wished for happiness...how pathetic is that? wishing for happiness lol

Ok so finally, I will elaborate. Always throughout my life I have been extrinsically motivated, which means motivate by things other than myself. Of course, this is the worst type of motivation to have because it is so circumstantial. I have always been the type of person who wants to please everyone, I gain my satisfaction ans self worth in recieving praise and external rewards. I am not proud of this and I have lied to myself for so long, telling myself that I am my own person and I am who I am regardless of what other people think or how they react. But, I am sad to say this is false. No matter how much I want it to be the contrary, it isn't. You know what? I think this is to some extent an innate human characteristic. We are meant to be in relationship with one another, we are meant to have human contact. I heard of this experiment one time where they took some babies and gave them no physical or verbal contact other than the food they needed...they didn't survive past a few weeks.

So it's no secret that we need human contact and to be mindful of our interactions with people, but it is when we let others determine our actions that this becomes problematic. It's when we rely so much on others that our own personal strength and the strength that God has on our lives disappears. So, I know this and have becomre aware of the prevalence of this in my life and I want to change, but this change will not happen overnight and it will not happen unless I truly open up to God and let it...It is extremely hard to change the way you have thought and acted your whole life.

I think this is why I am numb...I have made the decision to change my thought process but I have no idea how to act on it. It's like finding out that Santa Claus doesn't exist. All of my hope has been falsly placed in other people's hands, not in God's, and as a result, I don't know how to move forward, I don't know how to experience the true, genuine love of our Creator and Savior. I just don't know...