Divine Dance

Dance… I’ve never been the best at it, but I’ve always done my best. I’ve never danced out of obligation, but rather, I dance out of passion. I love listening to music, closing my eyes and picturing a dance based on how the music makes me feel. When I worship, I wish I could just dance for the joy the song makes me feel. It’s a passion of mine, it’s a sense of release, all of my worries just go out the window. However, for the longest time, I would dance for others; I would strive for recognition, living in anticipation for the day of the performance. This is how I was with a lot of my activities, I would love performing, but hate practicing, and thus those were not my true passions. (These activities would mainly be playing the trumpet and running track…though trumpet more so than track because I do indeed love the sensation of running just not for long periods of time like at practice lol). Anyway, before my passion for dance came around, it was like I was putting on a mask on performance day. How many times do we put a mask on in our spiritual lives? Is the passion really there or are we fooling ourselves?
I have had the privilege this semester to branch out in my dance knowledge and take a ballroom class. Thus far, I am thoroughly enjoying it. I get in this mood and the pure joy of dancing allows me to block out any negativity going on in my day. That hour and a half keeps me sane. Anyway, in ballroom dancing, the guy is supposed to be the “leader.” He is the one that decides when you turn, if he wants to dip you, that sort of thing. Here are the problems with this in my dancing and spiritual life:

1. Who are you dancing with?
It is important to have a strong guy as a leader. You don’t want to go into a dip or a lift without a strong hand supporting you or you will have a better chance of falling. When I dance with someone, I can tell whether they are a strong leader willing to take control or a timid dancer who only hold my 2 fingers rather than my hands. You can totally feel the difference when someone whips you around in a turn or if you have to turn yourself. If a guy doesn’t know what he’s doing, then you must rely on yourself, but as we all know, we all make mistakes. God is our man, he is the best dancing partner we could have, not a boyfriend or anyone or anything else, GOD. He is the one we should trust to turn us in the right direction, to catch us in a dip, to lift us high without any fear of falling. Is GOD YOUR DANCING PARTNER?!?

2. Who is leading?
Like I said before, if I don’t have a great dancing partner, I end up leading. I feel like it’s my job to pick up the slack. Also, I have a hard time giving up that leading position. My friend a couple years ago was trying to teach me swing dancing. She was acting as the guy and trying to lead me, but I kept screwing it up. I was not willing to be lead, I didn’t know how to be lead. The confusion of not knowing what would come next took control of me. I find this hard in my spiritual life as well. I find it hard to let God take the lead, to trust Him in his plan for my dance. I make an effort, but it’s hard nonetheless. To willingly submit myself, all of me, all of my moves to His plan is hard. Part of my problem with my friend and swing dancing was that I didn’t know how to swing dance in the first place, I was going in blind. Luckily, God gave us the bible to be our dance lesson. He gives us the tools to accomplish and enjoying this dance with Him. WHO IS LEADING YOUR DANCE? ARE YOU WILLING TO LET GOD CHOREOGRAPH AND FOLLOW HIS WORD TO LEARN THE DANCE?

3. Why are you performing?
Do you perform only onstage? Or do you enjoy the practice as well? I love to perform my dance full out every time because I find pure joy in doing so. Are you performing with God and putting all your energy into the dance for the sheer joy of it or for an audience? I personally feel the same rush of energy when I dance alone in my apartment as when I am onstage. I hope that you all and I can dance with God for the joy his love brings constantly and whole heartedly.
There it is people… now excuse me while I go DANCE :)

Purple Sweats

I’m sitting here on the rail in purple pants… sweatpants (see pic above). I like to think that the fact that they are sweat pants makes up entirely for the fact that they are purple… I mean who wears purple pants? Clearly I do lol. Who knew that a $3 pair of sweatpants from Walgreens no less would be so completely comfortable? The rail is pretty dead today, at least by me… maybe I smell? No, I showered and if I do say so myself I think my perfume smells amazingly awesome so that can’t be it…

Anyway, I really have no purpose for writing this … we’re going over Tempe town lake now, it’s so peaceful on the bridge, minus the sound of the lightrail’s air conditioning which is extremely loud… I haven’t had a Comfy Cozy day like this in a while, maybe even all semester thus far. That’s weird, I used to have one at least once a week. I think it’s because of my ballroom dance class. You see, you have to interact with people in that class and you know that they know you. I feel like I have to look good in that class. In my other classes, I’m free to go unnoticed, but in this one, they see you every day…..

Hmmm I’m totally not making sense right now… I think it all comes down to my constant need for approval. Ever since I was a kid, everything I did was to get noticed. Now it’s died down a lot as I grow older, but it’s there. I’m extrinsically motivated… I feed off of others’ feedback versus my own. I think a lot of us are like that too. Why do you think facebook is so popular? Why do you think people blog? We want our ideas known, we want some sort of approval from our peers.

Now I don’t think it’s all too bad to think this way. I mean clearly cyberspace creates a way to keep up with friends and to have some sort of community. However, it’s important to know that that type motivation is a weak foundation, it leads to hurt in the end to rely completely on other people to define your life/ self confidence because people will fail you. I think God provides a better means of motivation. To trust in Him and His word for perseverance, to be rooted and established in his LOVE, that seems like all the motivation I need. What joy that would bring too huh?

Sorry this post is extremely random… it’s just how my thoughts progressed throughout my ride downtown this morning. Who knows if I even made my point? Who knows if I’ll even follow my point seeing as I’ll probably post a status on my facebook wall to read my blog right after I post this lol. Oh well baby steps right? Have a great day all of you J

Rollercoasters

Life is like a rollercoaster
You’ve heard it said before
There’re twists and turns and ups and downs
All things you must explore

You want to grow, you want stay
On this upward sloping track
But then the world throws sin your way
And you fall because of lack

You lack the strength, you lack the faith
Both needed to carry on
You fall with the thrill of this world
The anticipation of God’s plan is gone

But rejoice in all your sufferings
For then you will persevere
You’ll build character, you will find hope
Just let God’s love draw near

It’s easy to say, it’s easy to hear
The action is what’s tough
To trust in God throughout this ride
His grace should be enough

Balance?

Balance… I have been thinking a lot lately about how everything requires a balance between two things. Anything from balancing work and school to politics and how most people are balanced somewhere in the middle of democrat and republican. However, on my drive home last night it occurred to me that it is not about balance at all, it's more like fusion, like a mixture. Balancing makes it seem like it's spread out, I picture a scale with objects on to opposite ends. But it seems in all instances that two opposites go hand in hand, they are closer, like a fusion of all factors rather than a separate balance. There isn't anything in this world that is not influenced in some way by something else. So I propose that life is like a chemistry experiment. You need to get precisely the right percentage of each element in your life and mix it and fuse it together to create the proper reaction and mixture. Otherwise, we all know what happens with baking soda and vinegar…. KABOOM!!

What I am getting at here is what we talked about last night at Ember… justice. It's one thing to do justice for the sake of doing it, but it's another to do it with a pure heart that is doing it for God. I think of that song, don't know what it's called but they play it on Air1. One of the lines is "Faith without works is dead," but it goes the other way too, works without faith is dead or vain or whatever you want to call it. It goes both ways, we need a fusion of faith and works in order for us to follow God's call in our lives. Otherwise, each is meaningless. We need to find the correct amount of each in our lives and mix it together in for optimal results. That's all I know. God bless! ***

***Ok I never say that (God bless) because I think it has become an overused, somewhat clique saying, but in this case, I really do hope that God blesses your day today or at least that he may open your eyes to see the blessings he has given to you.

---

Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

Hearts

Love- Romans 12

9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Destinations

(My brilliantly amazing photography :/ haha well notice the arrow? I probably should have been turning instead of taking the pic, but hey it's a beautiful AZ sunset so I couldn't resist )

In the journey of life (clique I know), there are two things… the destination and the road

So I recently drove up to Prescott, about a 2.5 hour drive, alone, just to get away. Well, that and though I hate to admit it, I went to avoid life and its many stresses, like homework… ironically and pretty much obviously this was gonna happen, I ended up adding to my stresses rather than just dealing with them. Anyway, this is not my point, it's kinda a tangent. Well, on my drive up there, I looked out across the vast desert land (only briefly for I was the one driving and it probably wasn't a good idea to take my eyes off the road). I thought about how much of that land has never been touched, never walked on by human feet. Yes, there is this highway right in the middle, but on either side it's forgotten by people and probably rarely thought of. Drivers on the highway are typically so focused on the destination that they forget about the journey, all aspects of the journey. Ok, yes a really fun, exciting part of road trips is being on the road, but that usually consists of random car games or blasting random music on the radio to pass the time by. How often do you look around and truly take in the wide open space of nothingness? It is in fact beautiful, this world that God created. Even Arizona, where I've spent a majority of my life and have a desperate desire to get out of, even that is beautiful.

What I'm trying, however slowly, to get at here is the journey of life. We tend to set up destinations as a sort of motivation, a way to make sense of what we are currently doing or working towards. We say "if I can just get to this day, just pass this moment in time, I will be OK." But what about the journey, how you get there, is this not important? What is the point of doing something if you aren't going to sit back and look around and beyond the road? You are just so focused on the destination that you forget about the now, forget about enjoying the now.

I am in this boat; my destinations are what keep me going, but what will happen when the destinations become few and far between? What if I can't see my future? After all, I'm not psychic (though wouldn't that be a cool power to have?) Although I wish I could see my future and know that all I do is for a purpose. It seems everyone I know has a plan, an idea of what they want to do. I can't see myself in 5 years, where I'll be, what I'll be doing… and that scares me so so much…

I do however want to enjoy my journey, to somehow find the time in my suffocating schedule to reflect and enjoy what's in front of me. God has given me so much and if I can't trust in Him and take in all the blessings of this world, then I can't grow. I'll just be flying by on the highway, too afraid to change my destination, too afraid to lose focus. I want to make every day, every second a destination for Him, so that my road becomes my destination and everything comes together. I'm probably totally not making sense right now, but oh well it all somehow connects in my mind. Hope you all have a good day!

---

Hotmail: Trusted email with powerful SPAM protection. Sign up now.

Investing

I wonder how many people we have seen unknowingly more than once in our lives. What I mean is… how many people have we passed on the street more than once without even knowing it? I think of this because there was this older man I saw in a lecture thing whom I saw ten minutes later in the library. Normally, I probably would not have noticed the connection between him in the lecture and in the library. The only reason I knew is because I remember in the lecture thinking how odd his hair was. Like I said he was older, so he was bald on top with the hair on the sides of his head. What was weird was that the hair that he did have was a few inches long. I guess I would consider it a type of mullet, just instead of the short hair in the front/on top, there was none. I also remember he was wearing a bright yellow shirt, but I don't know why… maybe cuz it was bright yellow. Anyway, without having made this distinction, he would have been just another elderly man on the street.

Another time this happened was last week on my way to the lightrail station, I saw this girl who had a pair of kind of puke yellow pants on. So, I made a mental note of it. Probably an hour and a half later I saw her again after I had come back from going downtown. She was by the same stop I had gotten on, by the stadium. Again, weird coincidence or just something that happens every day without my knowledge? Hmmm…

We're all interconnected. I think it would be so cool to have my own 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, and see how far I got lol. By the way, who knew Kevin Bacon was so buff? (see picture below)

Hmm... well I don't really know the point to this blog... except maybe to try to invest in people more. You know, step out of my comfort zone and truly make an effort to show them their value, show them that their lives, their stories mean something. I think I get too busy that I forget to do this, or I use my limited avilabilty as an excuse. But maybe a simple conversation with somebody can make their day and show their worth. Maybe talking with the lady on the train instead of worrying about my sudoku, maybe that's all it takes.

waiting

CAUTION! I wrote this like a month ago and I'm not proofreading it... so don't judge :)

Waiting. There are two types of waiting… Waiting on God and waiting on yourself to wait on God. Pretty much most of my life has been the latter.

One day, I was on vacation in Mexico swimming in the ocean. No not swimming…BOOGY BOARDING! Anyway, as many people know, boogy-boarding involves recognizing the perfect wave to catch. Now, I was out there waiting… just waiting for that perfect wave, a huge perfectly curved wave. It never came. I was there waiting for something that was not presented for me. However, as I waited for that wave there were a number of smaller yet perfectly good waves that came and went. Let's say… 10. So here I am sitting in the middle of the ocean wasting my afternoon because I can't get over myself and catch those waves. I could have had 10 decent runs but instead I had none. This is how I have been with God. I wait to love others in this glamorized way that fits this picture in my head. I wait to wait on God because it doesn't fit with my own plans. There have been plenty of opportunities for me to serve God right in my own community. Up until recently have I taken any of those? No. I've been so set, so convinced that I need this extremely life changing experience in a third world country in order to figure out God's plan for my life. Each one of these opportunities have been shut down for me in one way or another. Hello? Ding ding… this means that a third world country is not where God wants me to be right now. I need to get over myself and my own desires and focus on God. How can I minister to people without trusting in God myself? See, I don't want to live my life without catching a wave; that is not the life God wants us to live. We need to catch every wave we can, take advantage of every opportunity God places in front of us however futile it may seem at the time.

We need to wait on God for everything. Otherwise we'll wind up being content, just complacent and not reaching for greater things, not actively living our lives for Christ. I look back on my life and this is one of my biggest struggles, I tend to put my life in my hands rather than God's. First Corinthians 6:20 says that we are not our own, and that's true. We belong to God. Everything we do, say, think, have, our physical bodies all belong to Him. I know I find that extremely difficult to process and even more difficult to accept. I, being the independent person that I am, find it extremely difficult to just let go, to be vulnerable to somebody especially to God. Trust is really hard for me, trusting in something I cannot feel or see physically, something in which I do not know the outcome (hence God's plan for my life) is even harder for me. But that is FAITH, a concept that I have not actually understood or been able to practice in my life thus far. Ironically, that is what my religion is based on, not good deeds or ritual, but spiritual faith in God. It is something I am working on… this waiting on God thing and I hope I can continue to grow in faith exponentially. I picture the graph of an exponential function, going to infinity in both directions, increasing more and more each time. So I choose to wait… however I'm supposed to do that, whatever that may bring, I know it is what God wants me to do.

---

Hotmail: Powerful Free email with security by Microsoft. Get it now.

Planning a Trip

So I can't sleep so I'll write...

I met this lady on the Rail on Friday. (Yes I'm calling it "the rail" partly cuz I'm lazy and don't feel like typing the whole 5 more letters and partly cuz I want to sound cool) Anyway, I got a little confused with our conversation but I will try to explain it the best I could. After the rail made its stop at the airport, she mentioned something about going there and eating lunch and watching the people. At leas that is what I think she was talking about. She mentioned how, i think, she would go and just sit in the airport and plan trips. She has two main destinations, Europe and China, but she mentioned she had to make a trip home first, though I don't know where home is. I didn't bother to ask, partly cuz I was a bit confused as to what she was talking about and partly cuz I was intently working on my sudoku. I feel kinda bad though, that I didn't make much of an effort to find out more about her, but then again I'm not the best conversation maker especially with people I don't know. She then proceeded to talk about getting lunch and shopping, but again I was confused. I didn't know if she was talking about her plans for the day or what she would do in Europe. Anyhow, she was a nice lady; I think her name was Vicki.

I thought about her, just sitting there planning those trips. I hope she takes them. Not only that, but I hope they live up to all her expectations.

I hope my life isn't full of trips that I never take. I don't want to look back and see a whole list of opportunities that passed by. I have scary visions of myself being the crazy cat lady who has 16 cats and shops at antique stores and never amounts to anything. Ha... what a life. I don't want to waste my life, it's too short to waste. But at the moment, I feel that's all I'm doing. I'm stuck in a rut, neither here nor there...just stuck. I keep waiting for something to happen, waiting for change.

Haha maybe this is why I can't sleep. Contemplating life is just too much, but once you start your thoughts run away with you. Ugh I need some sleep... maybe now I'll be able to. Wish me luck!

Clean, Odorless Water

I am posting this a week after I wrote it but thats ok lol...

So today was needed a drink for lunch and I hate spending money on a drink when water would suffice. Yes, normally places have water cups but only seldomly to they come with lids. So I quickly went through my back pack and came across *dadada!* my coffee mug! I could fill it up with water and it would be perfect. So I went to the drinking fountain and rinsed it out pretty well so I would not have to drink coffee water. However, after I drank my first sip, I knew something was off. I knew the water was clean but somehow it didn't taste right. So instead of taking another sip, I took a big whiff... (pause to quote a movie "Missy's the poo *sniff* so take a big whiff") Anyway, there it was... the smell of coffee. Even though the water normally would have tasted normal, the smell was influencing how I perceived the taste. I know I'm not making this up because I remember learning in Psychology that taste and smell are in fact connected. This is precisely why I like to smell foods before I try them, in order to prepare myself for the taste.

Now, in my coffee case, the smell was not enhancing my sense of taste, it was harming it. The smell was overpowering my desire to taste clear water. I feel like in my spiritual life there is always something, some smell that negatively effects my ability to thirst for the Lord, to fully taste the glory of God. And I don't think I'm alone in this, I think we all have this thing. It could be a relationship, a feeling, anything. Basically sin.. or a cause of sin.. or just the devil taking our focus off of God. I am thus calling this a STENCH, the unappetizing smell that causes a wedge between us and God.

Ironically, the message at my church on Sunday happens to go with this. It was about cutting off the causes of sin ( see Mark 9). I think we need to eliminate these odors in our lives. So what is the stench in your life and how is it influencing your relationship with Christ? Currently, my main stench is letting "the world" get in the way of me and God, living in society's way rather than God's. I hope that God can eliminate this odor in my life and whatever is hindering you in your life as well. I hope that the purity of the water can wash it away. Give it to God guys, let Him wipe away the stench and leave you fully quenched and satisfied.