Coffee!

Ok this is just a short and sweet revelation I had today... Sometimes my relationship with God is like my relationship with coffee... So if you don't know me, I like coffee, not only that... if I don't have coffee in the morning, I don't function. There for I guess it would be safe to say that I need coffee daily. However, sometimes I get caught up in the need and the habit of drinking coffee that I forget to enjoy it; it just becomes another part of my day or just something to keep me going... Now this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can be. You see, today I had a cup of coffee, aside from the ordinary morning coffee, just to enjoy it...

Now here I see this in my relationship with Jesus, sometimes it's easy to get caught up in the habit of it rather than the joy. It's easy to just go to church, occasionally read my Bible, but not experience the joy that comes with it. I try to find the joy in God every time I pray, because otherwise I feel fake. And, like coffee, I depend on God for my survival (clearly God is more important than coffee though, i could live without coffee if it was absolutely necessary). But like I said, I want to enjoy God and feel His presence every time I pray or go to church or just all the time in my life, I never want to feel like it's a habit, like my actions were in vain...

Last thing I promise, I also wonder what my motive for drinking coffee is... Is it the delicious taste or the remarkable ability that caffeine gives me to stay up in the wee hours of the morning? This 'side effect', I'll cal it, is an added bonus, but it should not be the only reason I drink it. I should drink coffee to experience the scrumptious taste and thirst quenching abilities it has, not just the side effects... Like this, we should go to church for the pure joy and thirst quenching abilities of Christ. Yes, the community (yay for Ember!) could be a plus or a 'side effect' but that should not be our sole purpose of going...

That is all, yay for coffee!

ehhh

So I had/have a post in the works. I was extremely inspired over the weekend, but I didn't write it soon enough... My mood went from super high over the weekend, to a very ehh mood during the week. I feel like it would be insincere if I continued to write it now since my heart isn't in it... and I cannot stand people who are not genuine so I feel it would be a disservice to you all who read this to write if my heart isn't in it... So please pray for me, my mood and heart have been off this week. Ironically right when I could use God's presence, I turn away. Not that I haven't tried to let Him in, it just doesn't seem genuine in my heart... Idk its a weird feeling so please pray for me...thanks

Miss Melinda :)

Disclaimer: I realize this is the 3rd time this week that I've written... It might be excessive but at least I'm doing something! (And avoiding other things...)

There is an awesome lady who came to my mind this morning… She is my mom’s best friend and I know her as Miss Melinda. She is one of the most caring, loving, and fun people I know and has a personality the size of Alaska! (Haha that is a bad description.. point is her personality is huge and infectious!)

Anyway, when she visited this past summer, I got a chance to really hang out and talk with her. Before then, she was just known to me as my mom’s best friend and a nice lady who would visit us and who we would visit occasionally. It wasn’t until this trip though that I got to see the great heart she has for people. Not only does she have a giving heart, but she has such an encouraging heart as well. I see this through her stories of the kids she works with (she teaches high school English). She has such a great heart for teaching and encouraging students; they seem to really love her and I can see the love she has for them and the desire she has for them to succeed. I remember one story of a previous student she had who is currently in prison. She told me that she still corresponds with him and that he is an encouragement to others in prison. To know that she can encourage someone who then encourages others, it just shows how much of a difference she makes in peoples’ lives. She is also such a giving person, not only of her money but her time. During the week she was with us, she had a number of projects in the works; most were buying old pieces of furniture from goodwill and refurbishing them. She took her vacation time to help me and my family on these projects… Not only that, but Miss Melinda cared for my mom after she had surgery. Ultimately, if you knew Miss Melinda or even just had one conversation with her, you could see her joyous and loving heart shine through, and this joy is in fact infectious. Just thinking about her puts a smile on my heart. (Ok I realize this doesn’t fully explain what I’m trying to say… basically she’s awesome!)

One thing that stuck with me is this quote from her “Don’t love others in the way that you want to love them, love them in the way they need to be loved”. When she said this (in her cute Southern accent no less), it was like a “duh” moment. So many times we show love when WE want to show it and how WE want to show it, but what we should be doing is loving when OTHERS need it and in the way OTHERS need it. After all, that’s what love is about isn’t it? It is, or should be, something outside of ourselves, it’s our recognition that we need to think of someone other than ourselves for once. True love is unselfish, it even says it in the Bible (1 Cor. 13:5, “it is not self-seeking”). So when we love people, we need to take into consideration their needs instead of our own. This is so hard for me cuz so often I am stuck in my own little world (I call it “Lisa Land”) and am unable to see the big picture and the true need for love. Hopefully I can take this into consideration constantly when dealing with friends or even strangers.

To Miss Melinda, thank you so much for being you! The love you have for God and people seriously shows through, so I pray that God will continue to work in your life and that you may know what an inspiration you are to people. If I can turn out to be half the person you are, I know I will live a fulfilling life. So once again, thank you and I love you and hope that all is well in South Carolina!

Solid!

“We’re adults… When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?”
This is an epic quote from Grey’s Anatomy back in its glory days, around season 1 or 2. Well, at least I think its epic, I think a friend even sent me a piece of flair on facebook of this quote… it’s just THAT cool…

Anyways, do you ever just think back to an easier time when the extent of your drama was who got to sit in the front seat or who got to play with the best Barbie? It’s a time when you could play for hours with your friends on the playground of trampoline immersed in this exciting land or story full of games and the idea that you could be anyone you wanted to be…. this land of make believe. I get a taste of it every so often when I watch the kids at my job. The other day I was a pokemon fighting off an evil batman on the trampoline getting hit by a huge ball with pretend metal spikes on it. What a simple, typically fun-filled time in life childhood is… I see the boys reaching big milestones in life like tying their shoes and riding a bike on two wheels. Ahhh the beauty of childhood…

I remember though there comes a point when you grow out of it. The land full of imagination now becomes a land of reality. The times of inviting friends over to “play” become invitations to “hang out.” I think this tends to happen around junior high, I don’t know what brings us to it, maybe the new complexity of our school schedule or the beginnings of puberty. I do remember, however, my friends and I had one last “hurrah” I guess. It was me, my sister, my friend, and her older brothers. Me and my friend were just at the transitioning stage, but my sister and the boys were much older like in junior high. We play a super intense game of army at night. It was a good ending to our childhood. This is when responsibility and reality set it and things started to matter. The days of the milestones were over and now every decision you made seemed to begin to shape you into the person you are today.

I think it’s like this in our spiritual lives… no in fact I know it’s like this in our spiritual lives. There comes a point when we stop learning the basics and start learning to live it. When we grow from the AWANA definitions (i.e. grace is “something we don’t deserve” or the gospel is “the Good News”) to doing justice and submitting all that we are to His will. It all comes down to milk or solid food… Hebrews 5:13-6:1“Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. Therefore, let us leave the elementary teachings about Christ and go on to maturity…”

I think the Phil Wickham song The Time is Now pretty much describes what I’m feeling….

“You’ve learned every song, memorized the verse,

Took the bread and wine,

and even bought the shirt,

It’s time.
It’s time to hold your shield,

It’s time to draw your sword,

Let’s lead the resistance,Oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord,

it’s time.

Yeah it’s time.

The time is now, for lifting souls.

The time is now, for letting go.

From your skin, to your core.

Let light, and love, come rushing through the door.”

The first section of this song is something I’ve really been struggling with… I’ve grown up in the church learned the songs, verses, etc. but it’s just hitting me what they mean and at times, I become numb to the words I’ve been taught for so long. I even tend to get a somewhat pompous attitude toward certain things that I’ve heard many times… I think oh I’ve heard this a lot, it doesn’t pertain to me, I can tune this out… but I shouldn’t, especially when I don’t take the time to fully appreciate what it means. Words like grace, Lord, Hosanna, Hallelujah… I’m gonna take the time now to reflect and explore the true meaning (FYI I am aware that this will be a super long post but my hope is you all will continue reading…) All definitions are from the dictionary:

Grace: “A favor rendered by one who need not do so”

It is so much more than that though, yes we are undeserving, yes God gave us grace, but the magnitude of grace is something I’ve been trying to understand but can’t, it’s just so powerful… The amount of love required, the pureness in which God’s grace is given is unfathomable to the flawed human consciousness. I think all of our actions are tainted with some sort of selfish motive, whether we like it or not it’s true. But God, His grace is so pure so far from selfishness it’s… um the only way that I can even attempt to explain is that every time I try to wrap my head around it I get this overwhelming sense of peace that rushes over my body. It’s a peace in knowing that I’m not meant to comprehend it, in knowing that God’s love for me to is so huge that I can’t explain it… Now I realize this does not explain grace very well, but I just want you know that it’s so much more than a clear cut definition…

Lord: “a person who has authority, control, or power over others; a master, chief, or ruler”

Yes this is true of God, He is in control of our lives, He does have a plan, but I think this definition or at least the words in this definition have a negative connotation in our lives… authority, control, power; they are all qualities that we want to have for ourselves and the recognition of these qualities in some other being require us to let go of our selfish tendencies and fully submit to someone other than ourselves… which I don’t know about you but I fail miserably at. Society tells us we need to be independent and rely on no one but ourselves, so this makes it hard to recognize Jesus as our “Lord.” When we say this word, we should say it in complete awe and adoration for God. We need to say this out of respect and insodoing we will fully submit to Him. With this word we become vulnerable to God and acknowledge that we are not our own. Again, I don’t know if I’m explaining this correctly or coherently but when I think about “Lord” another overwhelming feeling comes over me which shows me that the essence of the word is so much more than I can comprehend…

Hosanna: “Originally an appeal for deliverance; used in Christian Church as an ascription of praise, because when Jesus entered Jerusalem this was shouted by Galilean pilgrims in recognition of his messiahhood”

This one has always puzzled me cuz it’s in songs and everything but I’ve never really understood why we say it. I think this definition pretty much sums it up though… the rejoicing of Jesus and His delivering us from our sins… pretty self explanatory, but I just have to remember this when I say and you should too!...

Hallelujah: “a shout of joy, praise, or gratitude”

This again should be an overwhelming feeling… yes all of the words in the definition are appropriate but it’s so much more… Again it’s complete awe and respect and it’s the joy you feel from the complete knowledge of our Savior and again the gratitude… It encompasses everything that the Lord has done and the sheer joy and praise that one cannot help but feel as a result of God’s grace. Again it’s extremely hard to explain and this is the closest I can get but it’s something that I fail to remember and feel so often.


So after that long tangent, it’s one thing to know this stuff and understand the “milk” of our faith, but it’s another thing to feel it and live out the solid food. Like Phil Wickham says, the time is now. I want to live it out, I want to get away from the numbness of these words and feel it and pursue it daily. Now, I don’t know how to go about this, I can’t do it alone, so I need your help… let’s do this together guys! Who’s with me?!

A selfish, greedy, yet grateful heart

Thanksgiving… now I wasn’t going to post on this in order to avoid a cliché, but this was before I got some sense knocked in to me.

Leading up to Thanksgiving Day, I saw it as the opportunity to finally breathe, to be able to relax and not worry whatsoever about school or anything else. It was a destination (to allude back to a previous post), just something to look forward to, some goal to reach. In a sense it was my light at the end of the tunnel. Consequently, I felt numb to all the thoughts or feelings you should feel on thanksgiving. I saw peoples’ statuses or posts about Thanksgiving, asking what are you thankful for? I quickly moved on, not wanting to think of that, not wanting to pause just one second to get out of my little shell and think of the broader picture. Selfishness… that’s what it was. Sadly, and to my own disappointment and guilt, this concept did not come until the following events.

As our family was plotting our Black Friday plan, seeing what strategy would be best to save the most money, my parents got a phone call. Their friend had died, and their friend’s husband was beside himself. Then, it hit me… Here I was sitting there doing the greediest thing I could be doing, serving my desires, when someone had lost her life leaving her husband with nothing, or at least very little, to be thankful for on the very day that we should be thankful. It did make me happy to see that my parents, as well as a number of their friends, would drop everything they were doing to be with a friend in need. That’s the kind of friend I want to be and the kind of friends I would like to think I have. Anyway, that moment with the phone call changed my perspective of the day.

I no longer saw it solely as a breath of fresh air; I was suddenly thankful for the mere ability to breathe, the ability to laugh, to touch, to feel, to move, the ability to LIVE. I was thankful the blessings God has placed in my life: family, friends, a job, shelter, mobility, even the ability to openly and freely live out my faith and my life free from sin. I was thankful for the ability to rejoice in my successes as well as my sufferings (this is something I’m struggling with, hence the word “ability”…work in progress).

This broke me, not completely, but it did break me. It was like one of those huge white gobstoppers, I have built a shell of neglect and avoidance the past few weeks towards life and faith. The white covering of the gobstopper represents this shell, so in this moment it was like a layer or two of the gobstopper had been sucked away revealing the colors underneath, but not the soft core. So I cried and I prayed for Linda (that’s her name, the woman who died) for her death but also her life, that her life would be remembered and celebrated rather than her death be filled with sorrow. I prayed and cried for Terry (her husband) that God would surround him with the love of his friends and that he would recognize the love, and I thanked God for this. I prayed and cried for my soul, for God to rid me of the guilt and greed in my heart… then I found peace in Thanksgiving and in my heart.

I still participated in Black Friday but I like to think it was out of tradition rather than greed. I didn’t push anyone to the side, though they pushed me, we chose to forego waiting in line at target for hours but we still got what was on our list a couple hours after it opened… it was more relaxed after that. Those are my thoughts. Here comes the cliché… I hope you took the time to be thankful this thanksgiving…if not, you can be thankful every day of your life. Wow, this feels like it’s a novel length post… sorry, “have a good and blessed day” (to quote the bus driver of the only Valley Metro bus I’ve been on, I like that she made a point to say this to all of her passengers even if they irritated her)… anyways yes have a good and blessed day :)

Peace and Love in Gratefulness

Anthropophobia

I think there is a little thing inside all of us that makes us all a little anthropophobic... for those of us who are not cool enough to know what that is, it's a fear of people. Every day I see people on the light rail frantically search for an empty seat to make it so no one is sitting by them. I even see people who would rather stand up than sit directly next to someone. Then there is always the person who is sitting next to you and moves the second an open empty seat becomes available. What is it people? Is there some sort of social anxiety that comes up when you are in close proximity to a complete stranger? Or do people just simply smell? Because if I smell, please tell me so I can put on some D/O for my B/O. Maybe people just don't want to have to deal with a possible awkward conversation, they're just content being left alone to their own thoughts. I find myself in that position sometimes, but that doesn't mean you can't sit next to someone in total silence.

Here's my theory, you never know when someone could be sitting there alone on the lightrail and your very presence next to them could give them some sort of peace of mind, some comfort in knowing that they aren't invisible, that they don't smell. And so what if they strike up a conversation with you. There was this guy on the lightrail today just talking away about Phoenix's lack of public transportation, the conversation always came back to that too, it was quite entertaining. He was clearly an Arizona native and thought we were behind on the times, imagining how much transportation we would have if we had put the lightrail in 40 years ago. I could see he just wanted to talk to somebody, he wasn't afraid to either. Then again, he may have been on drugs or an alcoholic or something but that's no matter. He was very welcoming, something you rarely see these days in our anthropophobic society.

How many of you look for a seat away from people on the first day of school? Or in the cafeteria? Or on the light rail? Or in any other part of your life? I think it's time we step out of our comfort zones and not be afraid to be near people, not be afraid to love people even by just sitting next to them. Don't judge, don't be afraid, be the guy who will talk about Phoenix's public transportation system for 15 min.

Avoidance

Avoidance... avoidance, avoidance, avoidance... this has become the theme of my life this semester. I choose to avoid school, life in general and IT MUST COME TO AN END!! You see, I would like to call myself a strong person, I would like to be able to look someone or something in the eye and say "I've got this, I will succeed, I...WILL...CONQUER!" Sadly this is rarely the case... oh sure I feel on top of the world when I have very little to do, not worries, no stresses. But the minute something comes up, this flood of anxiety consumes me and I quickly give in to avoidance... It just seems easier to put things off, but really it ends up biting me in the butt in the long run.



This week it hit me hard. In reality, I had more time than usually to get my act together, but somehow it felt like I wasn't getting anything done. Time seemed to slip right through my fingers. It was like I was not moving, like I was on a train, my feet planted firmly where I was with this feeling that I was standing still... But time was still going... time is the image you see out the window, the trees and objects the breezing by so fast. One second they're there, the next gone. I felt like I was standing still, not moving forward at all.



When I'm in these types of situations, I find myself avoiding God as well. You know just putting him off to the side, thinking you'll get to him later, just putting him in a heap amongst all your other tasks you have to do... See I know that when I do take the time to talk to Him, to read His word, I find so much peace, I just can't help but smile. I just wish I did more often, that amongst the anxiety, I remember Him and find peace and comfort. I just wish that I could face Him and face all the tests He puts in front of me for that is what will build my strength.

Composition

I recently discovered a new station on the radio…it’s classical music! I stumbled upon it while accidentally going 2 stations over from AIR1, and now I have a new station to listen to when I need some calm, relaxing music. As I listen to this, I realize how amazingly awesome these composers must be. They hear in their minds every single part, played by every single instrument in the orchestra. Not only do they have to be knowledgeable and in tune with every instrument, but they somehow are able to put them all together, every part and harmony, to make this compilation that is able to manipulate emotion. (Side note: I find it completely bewildering, yet refreshing that the manipulation of music is able to get different emotions out of us. Like, you know when the artist/composer is expressing anger or happiness… it’s crazy!) So basically, composers are awesome.

Now, I’m going to go out on a limb here and compare the composer to God [note: clearly I’m not saying the composer is a God or can even come close to being God; I’m speaking metaphorically ;) ] God has written our world, and our own personal song. He has written our part and has strategically placed us with other people (friends, family, etc) to create this harmonic display of our lives. He’s all-knowing, just like the composer is all-knowing of the piece he has written. God is in control, he has written our song and he knows when something is out of tune. It could be you or someone else who is out of tune in your life, negatively affecting the composition He has created for you. So we must go to Him to fix our instrument, to make it in tune, or perhaps we need to go to Him to discuss whether someone needs to be kicked out of the orchestra if a person is affecting the music extremely badly. We want our orchestra to be the best it can be.

What type of music are you playing in your life? Is it clouded with poor musicians? Is God your conductor, or is someone/thing else? Are your playing classical music? Or pop music, influenced artificially and manipulated in such a way that it takes away from the realness and naturalness that it was originally intended to be? What I mean is, pop and rap music is often so synthesized, so altered by technology that the whole composition becomes fake, nothing left is real. Perhaps that is why I love acoustic music, it’s so raw and pure that you know the artist is pouring his or her soul out to you and not trying to cover it up by other things. For the sake of my argument, the technologically altered music is covered by the patterns of this world, while acoustic or classical music truly portrays God’s original plans in our lives, showing a deep and real individual who is actively living to follow Jesus and making themselves vulnerable in order to truly submit themselves to God’s will. [wow can you say run-on sentence? Haha oh well] I hope you are playing God’s original score for your lives and allowing it to come together to make something beautiful, to make magic!

Peace, Love, and God!

Peace, Love, and God

The light rail is busy right now… probably the busiest I’ve seen it apart from my morning 1-stop commute to Tempe campus. I wonder where everyone is going. There are a few men in suits standing up, probably on their way to lunch or an important meeting, briefcases in hand. I see a few other students working diligently (or not so diligently) on homework. Eww… I see a butt crack! I’m trying to erase that from my memory. Man I just saw it again. Ahhh!
Anyway, I was going to tell you all about what I discovered the first time I helped the homeless like a month ago, but I am giving a speech on the homeless today and have been working on it for the past hour or so. As such, I want to sort of get away from the topic at the moment. I need a break.

Hmmm… what should I talk about? I’m only writing this because I have nothing else to do on my ride back to Tempe. I had planned to pick up a newspaper and do the Sudoku. Then again I had also planned to heat up my chef Boyardee… neither happened. Can I just say how amazing it feels to feel like you are exactly where God wants you to be? I have had an amazing past few weeks and the peace just keeps on coming. I don’t know if it is because my work load has slowed down a bit and given me more free time, or if it’s just my gaining a true understanding of God’s mercy and love and purpose he has given me to live for him. I am just incredibly at peace. It’s extremely refreshing.

I have been feeling this peace for a while, but I think it truly hit me last night when I stayed up until 2:30am doing stuff that I needed to get done. Now the reason it was so late was partly my own procrastination, but also partly a series of time suckers that just happened to prolong my evening. Somehow though, I was at peace and knew that I would be okay. I even tried to sleep some, thinking I would wake up early and finish in the morning, but I couldn’t. There was a feeling inside me that made my heart start racing and hindered my ability to sleep. I think it was unconscious anxiety; I knew that I would be extremely stressed in the morning if I fell asleep at that moment. Anyways I guess there is really no point to that entire story. Oh yeah, it gave me peace.

Anyways, this weekend was AMAZING! The more I hang out with Ember people and get involved, the more I realize that this is where God wants me to be. He’s provided me with a place to belong, a group of people who will accept me even when I have to talk in a high pitched voice, like a ventriloquist, slapping myself, and pretending I have an electric shock going through my body when someone touches me (YAY CURSES!!) Ember fills a whole that has been missing in my life for a long time; I’ve felt like an outsider for so long, it feels like I can breathe again. Thank you all for being you. And thank you God for giving me such a blessing in my life. I feel so fortunate to be at the place that I’m at :)

Divine Dance

Dance… I’ve never been the best at it, but I’ve always done my best. I’ve never danced out of obligation, but rather, I dance out of passion. I love listening to music, closing my eyes and picturing a dance based on how the music makes me feel. When I worship, I wish I could just dance for the joy the song makes me feel. It’s a passion of mine, it’s a sense of release, all of my worries just go out the window. However, for the longest time, I would dance for others; I would strive for recognition, living in anticipation for the day of the performance. This is how I was with a lot of my activities, I would love performing, but hate practicing, and thus those were not my true passions. (These activities would mainly be playing the trumpet and running track…though trumpet more so than track because I do indeed love the sensation of running just not for long periods of time like at practice lol). Anyway, before my passion for dance came around, it was like I was putting on a mask on performance day. How many times do we put a mask on in our spiritual lives? Is the passion really there or are we fooling ourselves?
I have had the privilege this semester to branch out in my dance knowledge and take a ballroom class. Thus far, I am thoroughly enjoying it. I get in this mood and the pure joy of dancing allows me to block out any negativity going on in my day. That hour and a half keeps me sane. Anyway, in ballroom dancing, the guy is supposed to be the “leader.” He is the one that decides when you turn, if he wants to dip you, that sort of thing. Here are the problems with this in my dancing and spiritual life:

1. Who are you dancing with?
It is important to have a strong guy as a leader. You don’t want to go into a dip or a lift without a strong hand supporting you or you will have a better chance of falling. When I dance with someone, I can tell whether they are a strong leader willing to take control or a timid dancer who only hold my 2 fingers rather than my hands. You can totally feel the difference when someone whips you around in a turn or if you have to turn yourself. If a guy doesn’t know what he’s doing, then you must rely on yourself, but as we all know, we all make mistakes. God is our man, he is the best dancing partner we could have, not a boyfriend or anyone or anything else, GOD. He is the one we should trust to turn us in the right direction, to catch us in a dip, to lift us high without any fear of falling. Is GOD YOUR DANCING PARTNER?!?

2. Who is leading?
Like I said before, if I don’t have a great dancing partner, I end up leading. I feel like it’s my job to pick up the slack. Also, I have a hard time giving up that leading position. My friend a couple years ago was trying to teach me swing dancing. She was acting as the guy and trying to lead me, but I kept screwing it up. I was not willing to be lead, I didn’t know how to be lead. The confusion of not knowing what would come next took control of me. I find this hard in my spiritual life as well. I find it hard to let God take the lead, to trust Him in his plan for my dance. I make an effort, but it’s hard nonetheless. To willingly submit myself, all of me, all of my moves to His plan is hard. Part of my problem with my friend and swing dancing was that I didn’t know how to swing dance in the first place, I was going in blind. Luckily, God gave us the bible to be our dance lesson. He gives us the tools to accomplish and enjoying this dance with Him. WHO IS LEADING YOUR DANCE? ARE YOU WILLING TO LET GOD CHOREOGRAPH AND FOLLOW HIS WORD TO LEARN THE DANCE?

3. Why are you performing?
Do you perform only onstage? Or do you enjoy the practice as well? I love to perform my dance full out every time because I find pure joy in doing so. Are you performing with God and putting all your energy into the dance for the sheer joy of it or for an audience? I personally feel the same rush of energy when I dance alone in my apartment as when I am onstage. I hope that you all and I can dance with God for the joy his love brings constantly and whole heartedly.
There it is people… now excuse me while I go DANCE :)

Purple Sweats

I’m sitting here on the rail in purple pants… sweatpants (see pic above). I like to think that the fact that they are sweat pants makes up entirely for the fact that they are purple… I mean who wears purple pants? Clearly I do lol. Who knew that a $3 pair of sweatpants from Walgreens no less would be so completely comfortable? The rail is pretty dead today, at least by me… maybe I smell? No, I showered and if I do say so myself I think my perfume smells amazingly awesome so that can’t be it…

Anyway, I really have no purpose for writing this … we’re going over Tempe town lake now, it’s so peaceful on the bridge, minus the sound of the lightrail’s air conditioning which is extremely loud… I haven’t had a Comfy Cozy day like this in a while, maybe even all semester thus far. That’s weird, I used to have one at least once a week. I think it’s because of my ballroom dance class. You see, you have to interact with people in that class and you know that they know you. I feel like I have to look good in that class. In my other classes, I’m free to go unnoticed, but in this one, they see you every day…..

Hmmm I’m totally not making sense right now… I think it all comes down to my constant need for approval. Ever since I was a kid, everything I did was to get noticed. Now it’s died down a lot as I grow older, but it’s there. I’m extrinsically motivated… I feed off of others’ feedback versus my own. I think a lot of us are like that too. Why do you think facebook is so popular? Why do you think people blog? We want our ideas known, we want some sort of approval from our peers.

Now I don’t think it’s all too bad to think this way. I mean clearly cyberspace creates a way to keep up with friends and to have some sort of community. However, it’s important to know that that type motivation is a weak foundation, it leads to hurt in the end to rely completely on other people to define your life/ self confidence because people will fail you. I think God provides a better means of motivation. To trust in Him and His word for perseverance, to be rooted and established in his LOVE, that seems like all the motivation I need. What joy that would bring too huh?

Sorry this post is extremely random… it’s just how my thoughts progressed throughout my ride downtown this morning. Who knows if I even made my point? Who knows if I’ll even follow my point seeing as I’ll probably post a status on my facebook wall to read my blog right after I post this lol. Oh well baby steps right? Have a great day all of you J

Rollercoasters

Life is like a rollercoaster
You’ve heard it said before
There’re twists and turns and ups and downs
All things you must explore

You want to grow, you want stay
On this upward sloping track
But then the world throws sin your way
And you fall because of lack

You lack the strength, you lack the faith
Both needed to carry on
You fall with the thrill of this world
The anticipation of God’s plan is gone

But rejoice in all your sufferings
For then you will persevere
You’ll build character, you will find hope
Just let God’s love draw near

It’s easy to say, it’s easy to hear
The action is what’s tough
To trust in God throughout this ride
His grace should be enough

Balance?

Balance… I have been thinking a lot lately about how everything requires a balance between two things. Anything from balancing work and school to politics and how most people are balanced somewhere in the middle of democrat and republican. However, on my drive home last night it occurred to me that it is not about balance at all, it's more like fusion, like a mixture. Balancing makes it seem like it's spread out, I picture a scale with objects on to opposite ends. But it seems in all instances that two opposites go hand in hand, they are closer, like a fusion of all factors rather than a separate balance. There isn't anything in this world that is not influenced in some way by something else. So I propose that life is like a chemistry experiment. You need to get precisely the right percentage of each element in your life and mix it and fuse it together to create the proper reaction and mixture. Otherwise, we all know what happens with baking soda and vinegar…. KABOOM!!

What I am getting at here is what we talked about last night at Ember… justice. It's one thing to do justice for the sake of doing it, but it's another to do it with a pure heart that is doing it for God. I think of that song, don't know what it's called but they play it on Air1. One of the lines is "Faith without works is dead," but it goes the other way too, works without faith is dead or vain or whatever you want to call it. It goes both ways, we need a fusion of faith and works in order for us to follow God's call in our lives. Otherwise, each is meaningless. We need to find the correct amount of each in our lives and mix it together in for optimal results. That's all I know. God bless! ***

***Ok I never say that (God bless) because I think it has become an overused, somewhat clique saying, but in this case, I really do hope that God blesses your day today or at least that he may open your eyes to see the blessings he has given to you.

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Hearts

Love- Romans 12

9Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. 10Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. 11Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. 12Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. 13Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
14Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. 16Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.[c] Do not be conceited.
17Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"[d]says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."[e] 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Destinations

(My brilliantly amazing photography :/ haha well notice the arrow? I probably should have been turning instead of taking the pic, but hey it's a beautiful AZ sunset so I couldn't resist )

In the journey of life (clique I know), there are two things… the destination and the road

So I recently drove up to Prescott, about a 2.5 hour drive, alone, just to get away. Well, that and though I hate to admit it, I went to avoid life and its many stresses, like homework… ironically and pretty much obviously this was gonna happen, I ended up adding to my stresses rather than just dealing with them. Anyway, this is not my point, it's kinda a tangent. Well, on my drive up there, I looked out across the vast desert land (only briefly for I was the one driving and it probably wasn't a good idea to take my eyes off the road). I thought about how much of that land has never been touched, never walked on by human feet. Yes, there is this highway right in the middle, but on either side it's forgotten by people and probably rarely thought of. Drivers on the highway are typically so focused on the destination that they forget about the journey, all aspects of the journey. Ok, yes a really fun, exciting part of road trips is being on the road, but that usually consists of random car games or blasting random music on the radio to pass the time by. How often do you look around and truly take in the wide open space of nothingness? It is in fact beautiful, this world that God created. Even Arizona, where I've spent a majority of my life and have a desperate desire to get out of, even that is beautiful.

What I'm trying, however slowly, to get at here is the journey of life. We tend to set up destinations as a sort of motivation, a way to make sense of what we are currently doing or working towards. We say "if I can just get to this day, just pass this moment in time, I will be OK." But what about the journey, how you get there, is this not important? What is the point of doing something if you aren't going to sit back and look around and beyond the road? You are just so focused on the destination that you forget about the now, forget about enjoying the now.

I am in this boat; my destinations are what keep me going, but what will happen when the destinations become few and far between? What if I can't see my future? After all, I'm not psychic (though wouldn't that be a cool power to have?) Although I wish I could see my future and know that all I do is for a purpose. It seems everyone I know has a plan, an idea of what they want to do. I can't see myself in 5 years, where I'll be, what I'll be doing… and that scares me so so much…

I do however want to enjoy my journey, to somehow find the time in my suffocating schedule to reflect and enjoy what's in front of me. God has given me so much and if I can't trust in Him and take in all the blessings of this world, then I can't grow. I'll just be flying by on the highway, too afraid to change my destination, too afraid to lose focus. I want to make every day, every second a destination for Him, so that my road becomes my destination and everything comes together. I'm probably totally not making sense right now, but oh well it all somehow connects in my mind. Hope you all have a good day!

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Investing

I wonder how many people we have seen unknowingly more than once in our lives. What I mean is… how many people have we passed on the street more than once without even knowing it? I think of this because there was this older man I saw in a lecture thing whom I saw ten minutes later in the library. Normally, I probably would not have noticed the connection between him in the lecture and in the library. The only reason I knew is because I remember in the lecture thinking how odd his hair was. Like I said he was older, so he was bald on top with the hair on the sides of his head. What was weird was that the hair that he did have was a few inches long. I guess I would consider it a type of mullet, just instead of the short hair in the front/on top, there was none. I also remember he was wearing a bright yellow shirt, but I don't know why… maybe cuz it was bright yellow. Anyway, without having made this distinction, he would have been just another elderly man on the street.

Another time this happened was last week on my way to the lightrail station, I saw this girl who had a pair of kind of puke yellow pants on. So, I made a mental note of it. Probably an hour and a half later I saw her again after I had come back from going downtown. She was by the same stop I had gotten on, by the stadium. Again, weird coincidence or just something that happens every day without my knowledge? Hmmm…

We're all interconnected. I think it would be so cool to have my own 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, and see how far I got lol. By the way, who knew Kevin Bacon was so buff? (see picture below)

Hmm... well I don't really know the point to this blog... except maybe to try to invest in people more. You know, step out of my comfort zone and truly make an effort to show them their value, show them that their lives, their stories mean something. I think I get too busy that I forget to do this, or I use my limited avilabilty as an excuse. But maybe a simple conversation with somebody can make their day and show their worth. Maybe talking with the lady on the train instead of worrying about my sudoku, maybe that's all it takes.

waiting

CAUTION! I wrote this like a month ago and I'm not proofreading it... so don't judge :)

Waiting. There are two types of waiting… Waiting on God and waiting on yourself to wait on God. Pretty much most of my life has been the latter.

One day, I was on vacation in Mexico swimming in the ocean. No not swimming…BOOGY BOARDING! Anyway, as many people know, boogy-boarding involves recognizing the perfect wave to catch. Now, I was out there waiting… just waiting for that perfect wave, a huge perfectly curved wave. It never came. I was there waiting for something that was not presented for me. However, as I waited for that wave there were a number of smaller yet perfectly good waves that came and went. Let's say… 10. So here I am sitting in the middle of the ocean wasting my afternoon because I can't get over myself and catch those waves. I could have had 10 decent runs but instead I had none. This is how I have been with God. I wait to love others in this glamorized way that fits this picture in my head. I wait to wait on God because it doesn't fit with my own plans. There have been plenty of opportunities for me to serve God right in my own community. Up until recently have I taken any of those? No. I've been so set, so convinced that I need this extremely life changing experience in a third world country in order to figure out God's plan for my life. Each one of these opportunities have been shut down for me in one way or another. Hello? Ding ding… this means that a third world country is not where God wants me to be right now. I need to get over myself and my own desires and focus on God. How can I minister to people without trusting in God myself? See, I don't want to live my life without catching a wave; that is not the life God wants us to live. We need to catch every wave we can, take advantage of every opportunity God places in front of us however futile it may seem at the time.

We need to wait on God for everything. Otherwise we'll wind up being content, just complacent and not reaching for greater things, not actively living our lives for Christ. I look back on my life and this is one of my biggest struggles, I tend to put my life in my hands rather than God's. First Corinthians 6:20 says that we are not our own, and that's true. We belong to God. Everything we do, say, think, have, our physical bodies all belong to Him. I know I find that extremely difficult to process and even more difficult to accept. I, being the independent person that I am, find it extremely difficult to just let go, to be vulnerable to somebody especially to God. Trust is really hard for me, trusting in something I cannot feel or see physically, something in which I do not know the outcome (hence God's plan for my life) is even harder for me. But that is FAITH, a concept that I have not actually understood or been able to practice in my life thus far. Ironically, that is what my religion is based on, not good deeds or ritual, but spiritual faith in God. It is something I am working on… this waiting on God thing and I hope I can continue to grow in faith exponentially. I picture the graph of an exponential function, going to infinity in both directions, increasing more and more each time. So I choose to wait… however I'm supposed to do that, whatever that may bring, I know it is what God wants me to do.

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Planning a Trip

So I can't sleep so I'll write...

I met this lady on the Rail on Friday. (Yes I'm calling it "the rail" partly cuz I'm lazy and don't feel like typing the whole 5 more letters and partly cuz I want to sound cool) Anyway, I got a little confused with our conversation but I will try to explain it the best I could. After the rail made its stop at the airport, she mentioned something about going there and eating lunch and watching the people. At leas that is what I think she was talking about. She mentioned how, i think, she would go and just sit in the airport and plan trips. She has two main destinations, Europe and China, but she mentioned she had to make a trip home first, though I don't know where home is. I didn't bother to ask, partly cuz I was a bit confused as to what she was talking about and partly cuz I was intently working on my sudoku. I feel kinda bad though, that I didn't make much of an effort to find out more about her, but then again I'm not the best conversation maker especially with people I don't know. She then proceeded to talk about getting lunch and shopping, but again I was confused. I didn't know if she was talking about her plans for the day or what she would do in Europe. Anyhow, she was a nice lady; I think her name was Vicki.

I thought about her, just sitting there planning those trips. I hope she takes them. Not only that, but I hope they live up to all her expectations.

I hope my life isn't full of trips that I never take. I don't want to look back and see a whole list of opportunities that passed by. I have scary visions of myself being the crazy cat lady who has 16 cats and shops at antique stores and never amounts to anything. Ha... what a life. I don't want to waste my life, it's too short to waste. But at the moment, I feel that's all I'm doing. I'm stuck in a rut, neither here nor there...just stuck. I keep waiting for something to happen, waiting for change.

Haha maybe this is why I can't sleep. Contemplating life is just too much, but once you start your thoughts run away with you. Ugh I need some sleep... maybe now I'll be able to. Wish me luck!

Clean, Odorless Water

I am posting this a week after I wrote it but thats ok lol...

So today was needed a drink for lunch and I hate spending money on a drink when water would suffice. Yes, normally places have water cups but only seldomly to they come with lids. So I quickly went through my back pack and came across *dadada!* my coffee mug! I could fill it up with water and it would be perfect. So I went to the drinking fountain and rinsed it out pretty well so I would not have to drink coffee water. However, after I drank my first sip, I knew something was off. I knew the water was clean but somehow it didn't taste right. So instead of taking another sip, I took a big whiff... (pause to quote a movie "Missy's the poo *sniff* so take a big whiff") Anyway, there it was... the smell of coffee. Even though the water normally would have tasted normal, the smell was influencing how I perceived the taste. I know I'm not making this up because I remember learning in Psychology that taste and smell are in fact connected. This is precisely why I like to smell foods before I try them, in order to prepare myself for the taste.

Now, in my coffee case, the smell was not enhancing my sense of taste, it was harming it. The smell was overpowering my desire to taste clear water. I feel like in my spiritual life there is always something, some smell that negatively effects my ability to thirst for the Lord, to fully taste the glory of God. And I don't think I'm alone in this, I think we all have this thing. It could be a relationship, a feeling, anything. Basically sin.. or a cause of sin.. or just the devil taking our focus off of God. I am thus calling this a STENCH, the unappetizing smell that causes a wedge between us and God.

Ironically, the message at my church on Sunday happens to go with this. It was about cutting off the causes of sin ( see Mark 9). I think we need to eliminate these odors in our lives. So what is the stench in your life and how is it influencing your relationship with Christ? Currently, my main stench is letting "the world" get in the way of me and God, living in society's way rather than God's. I hope that God can eliminate this odor in my life and whatever is hindering you in your life as well. I hope that the purity of the water can wash it away. Give it to God guys, let Him wipe away the stench and leave you fully quenched and satisfied.

The Skyline of Life

As I sit on the lightrail leaving ASU's Tempe campus, I look out the window. I see a group of buildings, a skyline if you will, that is unique to ASU and represents a community. I not only look at the whole but individual buildings as well. Each building has a story, whether it is historical or contemporary, the story is there. For instance, I see an old church that has clearly seen its fair share of wear and tear, but its still standing representing history. Then I see newer buildings whose stories are just beginning.



Then, please try to follow this metaphor, I parallel the buildings in the city to people in a community. If the buildings were not there, all but one, it would not define ASU. It would merely be a building serving its own purpose; it may be appealing to the eye, but it is selfish, not a part of anything. This is how we as humands are when we are alone, our only real accomplisment or purpose is for ourselves. However, when we are surrounded by others, like the buildings at ASU, we become a part of something more, a community! At ASU, the buildings do not simply serve their own purpose. For instance, some may have classes, offices, and research labs all at the same time. Each building also has a wide variety of subjects and disciplines taught there. They are all interconnected in a way that allows for support and growth of the community. This is true for us as well. When we surround ourselves with others, we are able to support each other and live for a purpose far beyond what we would be alone. We all become interconnected in this web that creates a unique community. All the individuals have a unique quality that contributes to the overall community. If one person wasn't there, if one building were demolished, it would result in a drastic change in the community. If one person wasn't there, if one building was demolished, it would create a drastic change in the community. If you see someone deteriorating, renovate them, don't demolish them. You want to build the community up, not tear it down.

Now, I see two buildings, new towers that considerably dwarf any and all buildings around them. They are grand, new, exciting buildings that were built and left to rot (the contractors ran out of money). They are amazing on the outside, but the inside is used for no purpose; they are empty. I think a lot of times we see this in our own communities, we see these new and exciting people who seem good, attractive even, but on this inside, they are alone and hurting, stuck in limbo. The sad thing is that not many people know of this hurt inside, they just look and see a pretty, smiling face and that's it. All they need is a purpose, they need people to transform them, someone to step up and invest in them. Don't hesitate to be that person to give them a purpose before they get torn down by the world.

First Timer

Hey! This is Lisa. This semester I am forced to commute to downtown Phoenix, and as such I have to take the new and exciting LIGHTRAIL. Its fairly convenient not having to put many-a-mile on my car, but it does create a lot of alone time on my part. Now, for me , alone time leads to philosophical and spiritual thoughts. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but since my sister and roomates have been the sole listeners to my thoughts and since I can see they are getting annoyed, I have decide to follow my sister's advice and start a blog. Since thus far a majority of my ideas have originated from long, contemplative lightrail rides I have decided to title my blog "The Lightrail Letters." I thought it was pretty clever with the alliteration and all, but if you think it's lame, you are entitled to your opinion and you have the right to call me a dork. After all, we are all a bit dorky right? Everyone has characteristics that other people might not understand, that is what makes us us. You may think I am weird, but everyone is weird in some way. Anyway, please don't judge my ability to develop ideas based on this one, for this is a poor example. Nevertheless, I hope you all enjoy the entries that will follow, and I hope this blog will somehow inspire you or encourage you to think differently about things. Going with the lightrail theme, it's time for me to deboard. Later!